Mind: Infect The Mind
by SkyeSoul
Summary: Harry, depressed and alone feeling extreme guilt over the death of his only godfather Sirius Black, makes a bad choice, but can he live with the consequences? Harry withdraws from his friends, and his only protection from the evil inside. Mind Series 1.
1. Dreary Car Rides

**Another story burgeons from the depths of imagination, this time aided by a story plan. Haha. **

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Harry was sitting in the too clean, detergent smelling car of the Dursleys. How he hated it.

The Dursleys were thankfully ignoring him, but something was odd. Their, attitudes, maybe? Harry did not know, thought only that a tiny, important something was off for the worse. He wasn't even completely sure.

He was sure, however, when Vernon Dursley looked back at Harry.... and smirked. Well, attempted to, anyways. A piggy face like that couldn't really pull the feat off.

Harry's mind blanked out whenever he tried to think why and just decided to write Hermione a letter about it when he got back.

The pristine Ford Anglia pulled right up into the perfectly manicured driveway of Number four, Privet Drive. Harry got out and surveyed the green, even lawn, the manicured daisies, even the patterned mulch. Nothing seemed wrong as he walked inside.

He was about to heave his trunk inside the doorway when "No you don't! were having none of that bloody nonsense this summer! Just the owl, and her food! I'll be taking that ruddy _parchment._" Uncle Vernon added as an afterthought "Damn lot."

'I knew it.' Harry thought. 'bloody hell! I left my wand in my trunk too.'

But as it were, nobody was looking and he got out the necessities as well as Hedwigs food and trudged up the stairs. First thing he did when he got up there was hide everything but the food under the constantly loose floorboard.

Then he had a proper look around the room. It was bare, devoid of broken toys and old dusty books and the ever present bent air rifle. There was a bed with 1 sheet, a desk, a window, and some really old peeling wallpaper.

Harry knew he was in for a rough summer as his uncle stomped and lumbered up the stairs, though the hallway, and to his room. Which seemed like an effort for him.

"Now you see here!" He said. "We're not having any of your nonsense! You will behave, do your chores, and then we will reward you with your daily meal and sleep. Otherwise, you'll be punished." He said nastily, greedily, almost as if he wanted to punish him. 'No doubt he probably does,' Harry thought depressedly.

"Come!" He barked. "We have chores for you!"

Harry clunked down the stairs after his monotonously huge uncle. As he did this, he noticed the renovations on the kitchen, namely the new kitchen tile, blue squares with ugly white grout on the countertops and cream tiles on the floor grouted blue. Same degree of ugliness, different era.

"Boy!" Petunia said lazily, as she was watching T.V. "There is a list of chores for you to do sitting on the table to be completed by 8:00, then you will write a letter to your friends to have looked over by your Uncle, and then you have your meal and go to bed."

Harry picked up the rather short list.

1. Weed, trim, and generally take care of the garden. He knew his Aunt Petunia held high standards.

2. Mow the lawn. Again, high standards.

3. Scrub the front hall. He was marginally happy about this, as it did not take too long.

4. Do the laundry. 'Yippee, Dudley's whale underwear.' Harry thought.

All this did was dampen Harry's mood further, as there was no possible way this could be done by 8:00 as it was already 3:00.

He walked out the back door to get started on the garden.

As he walked over to the garden shed and got out the shovel and rake, and all the gardening equipment, his wandering mind kept coming back to a hole in his heart labeled 'Sirius.' everytime he did this, he tried to think about something else. 'What design shall I do the garden up in?' all the way to 'I wonder what next year will be like.' After a few minutes the thought stream always broke and he was left again with mourning and sorrow. Unintentionally gardening would become his most hated chore, because it was attached to mourning Sirius inexorably.

'My fault. My own ruddy damn fault.' He attacked weeds ferociously. 'Didn't check, had to _play the hero._ Always gets people killed.' A weed was thrown to the side. 'No more. Never playing the hero. Never charging into battle, but listening to Hermione. She's smart.' He planted a Lily. 'I'm so sorry Sirius. I'm so sorry Cedric. I'm so sorry Lily Potter, and James Potter. It was my fault.' The Lily tipped over and he rushed to save it, but one of it's roots was torn all the same.

.........

Mowing the lawn, he was thinking about what he was going to do about all of this. He obviously couldn't just sit around and do nothing. Then he got rash and got people killed. 'What am I going to do?' He thought as he crisscrossed the lawn. 'Voldemort's going to kill me or me him. Whoever wins will win at a high price, because we both seem to get people killed.' Harry dejectedly ran up against fence and turned around. 'People die because of me and him. The planet is doomed.' Harry snickered. 'That sounds like a line out of a movie, what if I were in a movie?' Harry thought again. 'Might as well be, my life could be a movie, enough drama.' Harry went back to thoughtlessly mowing the lawn, having an imagination party and wondering where the video cameras were hiding. Safe to say this thought carried him all the way to the next chore as it was rather simple.

(**A.N. Don't we all have odd thoughts like that every once and a while?**)

.........

Scrubbing the front hall Harry was thinking about himself, in a rare time of self pity. Though it could hardly be called such, as it was more along the lines of self-flagerating.

'I play the ruddy hero all the time.' A nasty large piece of grime attacked the sponge. 'Rush off without thinking, typical Gryffindor.' He cleared the mud away, and skated over a clean part. 'Ruddy smartest witch ever as a best friend and I am remarkably stupid, don't even listen.' Harry scrubbed another part. 'No, I need to stop thinking about this.' Harry had another thought 5 minutes later. 'But that's not going to solve anything.'

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At 7:45, Harry was done with the laundry, which remarkably received no thoughts because by that time he had learned not to think. Along with being done with the laundry, he was an exhausted kid, and didn't know how he was going to make it through the summer being a house-elf at this pace, having nightmares was certainly not going to help his rest rate.

"Aunt Petunia!" Harry called. "I'm done with the chores!"

"Lovely!" Aunt Petunia called rather nastily. "You can have a small reward, butter."

Petunia added a slice of butter to a plate with 2 slices of bread on it and handed it to Harry rather vindictively. Harry had a morose thought, 'unhappy she can't punish me.'

He silently ate the bread when parchment and ink, in the hands of a big man appeared.

"You are to write a nice letter about our kindness to your _friends_ and I'll approve it and you can send it." He said nastily. "I've had a bad dealing today so you'd better be extra nice about it."

_Dear Hermione,_

_Dursleys are being normal, actually rather nice. They've let me touch Dudley's toys and they're relieved my chores a bit. I think those threats from the order really softened them up. Oh well, I'm thankful for that. Otherwise not much up. _

_Harry_

_Dear Ron,_

_Dursleys are being normal, actually rather nice. They've let me touch Dudley's toys and they're relieved my chores a bit. I think those threats from the order really softened them up. Oh well, I'm thankful for that. Otherwise not much up. _

_Harry_

Harry sealed both letters hoping the duplicates would help them pick up on the hint, handed them to his Uncle, and got let to suffer nightmares.

............

_Kill the spare!_

_Cedric's body flew to the ground, but his pale form had gotten up and said "Why Harry? Why could you not protect me! Why did you act _The Hero?_" He called pleadingly. _

_Sirius clambered from a bottomless veiled cauldron nearby. "Why did you not check properly? Why did you have to act the hero for me! I CAN TAKE CARE OF MYSELF!!_" _Sirius whinged. "Just like Dumbledore, protecting everyone." _

_Harry began to back away slowly. "I didn't mean to! I could never have - " _

_"WELL YOU DID!" they both mourned. _

_Live bodies joined them. _

_Ron and Hermione said "And now you're going to get us killed. You're going to kill us..."_

_Ginny spoke up "And then me." _

_Fred and George. "And then me." _

_Bill, and Charlie, and Percy. "And then us." _

_The rest of the ministry six. "Then us...." _

_All the voices he'd even heard in his life chorused together "And us, and us, because of stupid mistakes." They all cried. "Stupid mistakes made by a famous name." _

"No! I won't! I Won't! I WON'T!"

Harry woke up screaming, but from the "SHUT IT RUDDY BOY!" Harry knew he was getting it in the morning.

Harry turned over in bed, and slept another 2 hours but with Sirius crisscrossing his dreams, and the screams of innocents being slaughtered.

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Me being the author I am I can understand your fear of me giving this one up. But I've already written a huge unpublished portion of it. I just need to know you, the public's opinion. (V), hint!


	2. Limits and Depression

**I always have more story but I need your reviews….. please?**

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Days and nights continued in this pattern, Harry becoming depressed with each passing day, and a developing insomniac at night.

One day, after a night of being 'punished,' which meant repeated punches to the stomach and no food, Harry was falling over mowing the lawn from sheer exhaustion.

'Voldemort always comes after me and those closest to me. Why me? How can I protect them? I don't want them to die!' Something clicked. 'It's because I care. He doesn't bait people I don't care about, so If I cared about nobody then he would come after nobody!' Harry smiled, for the last time in half a year. 'I have to stop caring.' That sobered him up immediately. 'Since Voldemort isn't spying on me through my mind anymore, then they just have to think I don't care. Which is just as hard.' Harry shuddered. He tried to keep his next thought short. 'Occlumency, and I need to practice keeping a straight face. Got it.' He spent the rest of the time mowing the lawn, and the rest of the summer in fact, trying to speak in inflectionless tones and with a straight face, only thinking about the lives to be saved.

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Hermione was sitting in the Burrow's living room with Ron. She was permitted to spend a week with them before going back to her house, and it was the last day. She called it an end-of-term party.

Ron was sitting across Hermione soberly. They too were affected by Sirius's death.

Dumbledore of all people walked in, and sat down. "I have what will be to you grave news. We have decided to limit your letters to Harry to only once every two weeks, to p - "

"What?!?" Ron half-yelled. "What's that going to do?"

"Ronald! Sit down."

"I was getting to that. This way, Voldemort's followers will not be able to track Hedwig, a conspicuous owl, back to Harry's summer residence. As there is a Fidelius charm on the Burrow, being the new headquarters, their trackling abilities will not work on us, and Harry will still have to send the owl every 3 days. If Hedwig came back empty handed, they'd think she was just hunting."

Ron and Hermione thought it was rather absurd, but they respected Dumbledore immensly, so they bid him farewell.

"Goodbye, Professor." Hermione said politley.

"See ya." Ron said offhandedly.

"Ronald!"

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Harry had a vision that night.

_"My Lord" She said breathily as she bowed. _

_"Narcissa. What news do you have?" His snakelike face contorted into expectation. _

_"Our envoys to the giants have been sucessful. A great number of them are on our side, but a few express doubt. Rubeus Hagrid was spotted, for Dumbledore." Narcissa spat this part. _

_Voldemort cackled. "Lovely work, Narcissa." _

Harry woke that night not from nightmares but the snowy owl sitting on the windowsill, with the first letters. Screeching. 'Oh, they haven't forgotten.' Harry thought half-saddened and half-joyously.

_Dear Harry, _

_Great! those darned Muggles finally realized you're not a house elf. Some big stuff happened over here. 1) Percy made up. He's still being an ultra-polite git, but now he's speaking. Mum and Dad are thrilled, especially Mum, but I'm blazing mad at him. He's got gall if he's coming right back after they proved You-Know-Who is really back. Ugh, stuffed up git, trying to form connections, but enough of that. 2) Mum's accepted that Fred and George have a joke shop and is slightly encouraging it. _slightly._ I think she's just glad that the explosions have stopped rocking the house and that she's got a storage room now that they trouble makers have moved out. Well, it's actually a quarantine for all the dangerous junk they've left at the house, products that aren't on the market yet and such. _

_Sorry I took such a long time responding, but they've made a rule: One owl from only Ron and Hermione each every two weeks. Before you explode, I KNOW! They think that then You-Know-Who's followers won't track your owl all that often. You still have to send an owl every 3 days though, because if she's flying away our Fidelius Charm will protect us and You-Know-Who's followers will think she's hunting when she's coming back. _

_Ruddy Bullshit._

_Sorry for the explicit language,_

_Ron_

_Dear Harry,_

_We've been so worried, because all your letters have been saying the same thing, but knowing you're okay, it puts our minds at ease. The Burrow is the new one, now that Snuffles has died. They haven't found his will yet, but they hope that he left one. What if he didn't? That'd be terrible. I don't know if Ron told you, but Percy made up. I think Percy is a power-hungry man, just like Fudge is, and that is why they got on so well. But he might be getting over it. I was at the Burrow for a week, and the twins left a bunch of stuff, purple balls and orange telescopes I didn't dare touch for fear of them being grenades. They moved into their new shop, which I hear tell you had something to do with. I wouldn't put it past them, grenades, you know. I'm sorry I took such a long time replying but if Ron hasn't told you there's a rule: only owl Harry every two weeks. They think it will help anti-tracking, but I don't follow their logic. _

_Hermione_

Harry put the letters down with such violently clashing emotions that he couldn't decide what emotion to have, until 'Dumbledore's trying to cut me off again?!'

and Harry went to do the chores.

_............._

"Done with the chores." Harry said monotonedly.

"Write your ruddy letter and eat your dinner, than." Uncle Vernon said uncaringly. He must have been in a good mood, but Harry refused to acknowledge it.

Harry hadn't been acknowledging much of anything.

Harry took the proffered parchment and wrote perfectly pointless letters.

_Dear Hermione, _

_I think you're right about Percy, and about not touching the twins's stuff. There's nothing really going on here, same old. You know, you're really clever about people. _

_Harry._

_Dear Ron_

_I think the fear your mum has of the twins's stuff is perfectly right. You'd do well to be wary too. There's nothing really going on here, same old._

_Harry._

Uncle Vernon suddenly rounded on Harry, before he could eat his dinner. He noticed there was none.

"It's ruddy 9:00 Boy! What were you thinking!" His face was quickly cycling all the way to an ugly puce.

Harry was punched unbelievably hard to the gut. "There! There will be no dinner for you for the next two days." He said nastily.

Harry dragged himself upstairs and felt like heaving the contents of his stomach everywhere.

After that week, when Harry lost hope of rescue, the blank face was passable (barely) but the inner turmoil raging made it harder and harder to function.

He also found Uncle Vernon punishing him whenever he felt like it.

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Harry was scrubbing the floor one day when he has a thought. 'Just because people can't see my emotions, doesn't mean I don't have them. I'm really going to need to practice occlumency now.' Harry let one one tear escape him, his last true emotion for a long time, mourning for the friends he'd lose and the pain he'd suffer pushing them. Pushing away. "But it's for their own good, because they're my true friends." And he honestly believed it. "Never the cause of death again."

No thanks to this decision, the Dursleys were very unnerved by the sudden loss of emotions, and they began relating Harry to a robot, or a servant, or both.

Over the summer he developed a calm, indifferent outside was steadily growing stronger.

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_Sirius fell gracefully through the archway, but appeared on the other side and Cedric walked out too, both grayish and rotting. _

_"Why did you do this to us?" They asked. _

_"Did we deserve it!" They asked. _

_"You certainly don't!" _

_"You're just a burden, a worthless boy."_

_"Defeat the Dark Lord, then to be thrown away."_

_"But you will get people killed too..."_

_The voices began to scream in pain and wailing, rising almost to a screeching quality. _

Harry woke up one July 31st to a storm of screeching owls outside his windowsill, thankfully bringing him out of his nightmare. He opened the window and many owls flew in gracefully and landed on various perches in the room.

He counted 4 in all. Errol, Pigwidgeon, and 2 he did not recognize. He untied all of the packages first, and as he predicted the unfamiliar owls flew out the window. Errol settled down by the food and wearily ate, as the package he brought was rather large, and Hedwig ruffled in indignation at her perch being ursurped.

He opened the biggest package first, from 'The Weasley Family.' It was 2 meat pies and 2 actual pies. He was glad for some food, because the Dudley Diet, as he named the diet all the Dursleys were on, was horrifyingly lacking in nutrition.

He opened Hermione's present next, a book entitled Aurors: A Practical Fighting Theory. Harry thought this sounded rather like muggle karate or something similar, and the summary concurred.

Ron's gift was a Quidditch tips and tricks booklet and a speedometer for his broom. He rather thought the speedometer was nifty.

Hagrid sent the ever customary rock cakes as his present. Harry figured he'd use them as a doorstopper.

Ginny's present was magnificent, and it came with an untidily scrawled note, which he read first.

_Dear Harry_

_This present was really from all of your friends, but I didn't know what to get you and this was my idea. I hope you like it! By the way, How are you doing?_

_Sincerely, _

_ Ginny._

_P.S. The 'Home' hand means home as the person's opinion of home, not a place of residence._

It was a magnificently crafted watch, with six hands entitled Harry, Ginny, Ron, Hermione, Neville, and Luna. Around the edge it said inscripted 'Home,' 'School,' Travelling,' 'Mortal Peril,' 'Other,'and 'Work,'

All of the hands shown home, except for Harry's, which oddly shown between Mortal Peril and Other.

All of the letters asked him how me was.

Harry decided to mention nothing of the presents even though they warmed his heart magnificently. He hoped that one day, when this was over they would understand, but he highly doubted it.

Anything to save a life.

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**I staunchly admit dependency on the reviews. **


	3. When Was He Smart?

I have another chapter out! The story is getting ehvill….. possibly. I so just didn't give away the storyline.

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He wrote the same letter to Ron and Hermione.

It contained of:

_I'm fine, thank you for your concern._

It hurt Harry to write it.

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Harry had finished everything early one day, so he got an unfathomable (from Vernon) reward.

"You may get out your trunk, boy, and get your Summer Homework supplies. As a _reward_ for your hard work. They will be back in the trunk by nine."

These words sounded like they cost him a great effort.

"Thank you." Harry replied evenly.

He, inwardly ecstatic, got out his school supplies and got started on transfiguration.

The Boy-Who-Lived, emaciated and bruised, and starving doing his homework was a depressing sight.

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The day had arrived.

_Dear Harry,_

_I was wondering whether or not you wanted to come to Diagon Alley with us, same day as every year. Well, of course you want to come, but Dad says he has to see your 'yes' before he comes and gets you. He doesn't want a repeat of previous years. _

_ See you soon,_

_ Ron. _

Harry wrote the toughest letter ever, insides raging in turmoil but outwardly calm, realizing this had to be done.

_Dear Ron,_

_Thank you for the offer, but I would like to stay at home this year. Thank you for the offer. _

_ Harry. _

Harry proceeded to owl order his supplies, not even realizing his excessive politeness and writing thank you twice.

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Ron was impatiently awaiting Hedwig's arrival when she screechily landed on Ron's bed.

Ron read the letter.

Instead of being angry, as he would have done, he became unduly worried. The state of Harry's letters have become worrisome.

.......

Ron met Hermione, along with her family outside the Leaky Cauldron.

"Hermione!" Ron cried.

"Ron!"

They embraced in a hug.

"Ron?"

"Yes.." Ron knew what she was asking.

"He's not coming."

"Why?"

Nobody answered that question. They felt mutual worry, and wordlessly agreed to keep a close eye on Harry when he got back.

They didn't enjoy Diagon Alley that year.

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"Uncle." Harry spoke monotonously as he had all summer, voice devoid of any infliction. "Today's September 1st."

"Oh, thats right!" Vernon said greedily. "We'll be rid of you brat, then just another year and we've rid you forever!"

'I agree wholly, Uncle. I hate you too.' Harry thought bitterly.

They loaded all of Harry's stuff into the car and drove to Kings Cross Station.

He (unhappily) spent this whole car ride schooling himself on how not to react or overreact when he met his friends. How he would tell them nothing of prophecies or rising Dark Lords. How he would not express distress over the innocent slaughtering of muggles he watched nightly, and that he had to bear the pain to protect the classmates. (He couldn't think of them as friends, thats what he was trying to prevent.)

He even taught himself some occlumency, which was helping with the nightmares, but marginally.

Despite this, when he went though the barrier and met the smiling faces of Ron, Hermione, Ginny, Fred, George, Lupin, Mad-Eye Moody, Molly, Arthur, Charlie, Bill, and Remus, it was all he could do not to smile as he was enveloped in a crushing hug.

"How ya doin', mate?" Ron asked merrily, standing above him a few inches.

Hermionie said "We've all been wondering, your letters weren't very informative."

Harry said "There isn't much to tell." In an infliction's voice that was not Harry's, or rather was the one of a withdrawn Harry. Hermione saw this immediatley, while Ron had to take time for it to sink in. Harry smiled inwardly at this, but only momentarily as he felt a pang of loss. 'This is necessary, This is necessary.' He told himself.

They trudged on to the train, surreptitiously questioning him through the smoke and the billowing booms of the train starting.

Finally, after much heaving of trunks far down the train, the ministry six ended up in a compartment together. (**A.N. I WILL be referring to them as such, it is amazingly simpler than listing the names down.**)

Hermione, Ginny, and Ron had given up interrogating the morose Harry at present, but Neville and Luna gave it their best too and came up with nothing, and after a while they all bought chocolate frog cards (except Harry) and discussed where the bloody hell Agrippa and Ptolmey were.

It was amazingly obvious to Harry that they were concerned, but his occlumency and calming certainly wasn't for nothing.

He already felt the pangs of loss already beating at his lonely heart.

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The thestral-drawn coach ride proceeded in much the same matter, Ron and Hermione both flirting slightly and arguing more about trivial things as the practicality of Quidditch and why Ptolmey was important, while Neville was properly flirting with Luna having gotten to spend a whole summer with her and Ginny silently pleading for both 'couples' to get a room as Harry was obviously not flirting.

Harry sat, listening to the yearly feast banter between Seamus and Dean about soccer, which still always got back to "But they're not even flying! where's the fun in kicking the ball around?" question by Dean. Everyone always rolled their eyes at least once at this, as this friendship was almost as famous as the trio's. (**A.N. I will be calling them that too!**) Seamus was about to answer the question when Dumbledore spoke up.

"There is a time for unpleasant speech making, but the one pleasant part I will mention before hand. The feast is delicious!" And food appeared on tables.

Harry piled a small amount of healthy food onto his plate, which did not go unnoticed. Harry knew, however, that if he had anything more he would throw up or have an unhealthy reaction, and that would only cause his classmates to grow concerned, and that would not do.

"Harry," Ron said around a massive mouthful of sausage as big as Harry's meal, "Aren't you going to eat anything more?"

"Ron," Harry drearily said. "I'm not used to this, since the Dursleys feed me so little if I eat anything more I'm going to retch."

Ron looked dumbstruck. "Why?"

Harry could not help but let a _tiny_ bit of exasperation seep into his voice. "My stomach's been shrank by them."

"But how?"

Hermione, who accepted this answer given the scientific quality to it's admission, said "Oh, _Ronald!_ It's a valid reason, get over it."

"But I don't geddit!"

Hermione spent the rest of the feast trying to explain it to him. He pretended to get it, but he really wouldn't understand until he had a dream about flying stomachs that night and wake up with the thought 'ooooohhhhh, thats what she meant!'

Harry, who was laying in bed when this happened, had recently woke from a nightmare.

_Kill the spare!_

_Cedric's body flew to the ground, but his pale form had gotten up and said "Why Harry? Why could you not protect me! Why did you act _The Hero?_" He said scathingly. _

_Sirius clambered from a bottomless veiled cauldron nearby. "Why did you not check properly? Why did you have to act the hero for me! I CAN TAKE CARE OF MYSELF!!_" _Sirius thundered. _

_Harry began to back away slowly. "I didn't mean to! I could never have - " _

_"WELL YOU DID!" they both roared. _

_Live bodies joined them. _

_Ron and Hermione said "And now you're going to get us killed. You're going to kill us..."_

_Ginny spoke up "And then me." _

_Fred and George. "And then me." _

_Bill, and Charlie, and Percy. "And then us." _

_The rest of the ministry six. "Then us...." _

_All the voices he'd even heard in his life chorused together "And us! All of Us! You Must Cut Yourself Off!!!!!"_

_"I know!" Harry pleaded. "I am! I AM!" _

_He ran from the voices shouting "Try harder.... they know....." _

_Their voices turned to screams as he stood surveying with pleasure a burning muggle village, and his scar seared. _

Harry woke up screaming both happily and horridly. He rued his decision, but he had made it all the same.

Harry spoke a mantra out loud, unheard because of silencing charms. "I'll win, they'll forget. I'll hurt nobody because they'll forget until I am all but a name. A famous name." Which was truly the last thing Harry James Potter, the Boy-Who-Lived, wanted. A famous name.

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Harry was sitting in the common room an hour before classes studying the charms notes and his essay he wrote when Ron the Redhead and Hermione the Intuitive walked in. Mercifully, they did not notice him in their worried glance and they sat down on the couch, talking in worried voices.

"He wasn't in his bed..."

"He'd been really thin..."

"Not talking to anyone......"

"Maybe his death?"

"Why would he do this?"

He desperately hoped Dumbledore would not get it into his mind to tell them the prophecy when they noticed him.

"Harry!" Hermione remarked falsely, obviously.

"Fine." Harry remarked, a clear, cold cut rejection of conversation he knew would stop them. She looked dejected and went back to talking to Ron, who was recounting his revelation with stomachs. The unease didn't clear in her face though, and he hoped that her sadness at rejection would cloud her judgement. 'not likely,' he thought.

Every time he pushed anyone away, he felt the pang of sadness, but it was crushed by his perverse happiness that they would not die, and they would live because he was only a famous name.

An hour passed in this unsteady verbal war, and it was time for Charms.

.......

He took a seat in Charms, awaiting rather eagerly but outwardly calm for the lesson because of all the studying he did, as he was quite sure he would bug Hermione when he got the spell faster.

Which was part of the plan, anger distracting her from piecing it together as he knew she would eventually, when it was too late.

Professor Flitwick stopped this rather depressing train of thought, as he walked in jovially.

"Hello students! I am glad we - oof! - are all here today!" He said, clambering onto his ever-present pile of books, one of the very few constants in Harry Potter's life.

"Today, we will be starting with a relatively simple charm, _Wingardia Leviosa Furor_, which raises objects high in the air and spins them. The only reason it was held off is because it requires real magical focus to the spinning for the point, to dizzy and enemy or break an object to be achieved. The incantation is as said and the wand motions are - " He waved his wand. " - like so. Begin!"

Harry had previously read up on the theory, and just like he had wanted achieved the charm faster than Hermione which greatly annoyed her.

Harry's heart dropped and he knew he was in for a long day. 'The world is changing,' he thought. 'I'm a bookworm with no friends and Hermione is second best.....' *sigh*

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I repent! I will review every story I read. My bad karma is getting to me. I need your reviews so I may be able to achieve enlightenment! 


	4. Liberating Posession

**I wonder how you'll react…. I have to say foreboding chapter. I've been nervous about this one. **

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Harry was to be found later that day nose buried in library books reading up on a potion he had not completely and succinctly understood. For others, they would be rather proud of the classwork but for Harry, if he did not read he thought. Which he perceived to be detrimental to the fate of the world.

That day, in potions, by completely ignoring Hermione and Ron, not sitting with them, and doing fabulously had raised Hermione's ire, Ron's only a tiny somewhat, and helped Neville slightly through peripheral bookworm damage.

Harry could not say being a bookworm was not fun, as he found out he rather liked learning and could understand why Hermione did it.

When Draco Malfoy strode in, he knew that good days did not last forever.

"What's up Potter? so stupid you're stuck in a library?" Malfoy sniggered.

"Could say the same to you..." Harry replied absently.

Malfoy bristled and Crabbe and Goyle instinctively reacted and formed into defense formation.

"What are you insinuating?!" Malfoy snapped, temper raised by 'Potter's' indifference.

"Impressive vocabulary." Harry said again, rather absently.

"Do you know what my father would do had you....."

But Harry was not listening. Again he was immersed in the simmering of the Strengthening Solution, which they had missed out on last year.

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Harry was surprised it was friday. All he had been doing was reading and studying the entire week, while listening to worried conversations from everyone about his well-being. But his basic emotions were rapidly deteriorating, and he hardly noticed, save the occasional 'still fruitless conversations' thought.

Harry was exceptionally tired that morning, as he was being questioned about recent raids and if he saw them in dreams.

Of course he saw them, he woke almost every night screaming, but they did not know that and anyways pointedly ignored them and the papers.

Today was their first D.A.D.A. class with 'Professor Mad-Eye Moody.' Even having met the man before, he was naturally suspicious because the last Alastor Moody had tricked him into bringing Voldemort back.

He knew the classes were what they had been like before, Moody having thought 'better teach them little buggers what it's like to fight in a real war before it starts' or something along those lines.

He was almost suspicious of this. This year seemed to normal, nothing out of place, except that Dumbledore was gone that Thursday from the high table, but he didn't pay that any thought.

Harry finished his two slices of toast, and trudged up to a similar lesson to the one last time (based on eyewitness accounts), but the 4th years weren't getting it, the 6th years were. 'Oh Goodie, dead spiders again.' He couldn't help but shudder.

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_Voldemort stood over yet another village, torturing an innocent family, who had done no wrong. _

_Standing below him was a little girl, no older than seven, who was close to Death, though she begged not. _

_Voldemort hissed, "Crucio!"_

_She writhed in pain, but her spine audibly cracked, and she died. _

Harry woke screaming that night.

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Harry received a note from Dumbledore that morning.

_Dear Harry._

_I would like you to come to my office to discuss things with me, and have a Pepper Imp. _

_ Dumbledore. _

Harry wondered what Dumbledore had in plan, and he was angry and guilty for destroying his office. He was also just residually angry at Dumbledore.

Harry trudged up to his office.

"Pepper Imp."

The statue carried him up to Dumbledore's office.

"Harry. Sit please."

Harry complied.

"This year, I have planned nothing for you, but I felt that I should ask you before doing something. As you are obviously capable now, I hesitate to ask if you would like Occlumency lessons with me, as they can still be beneficial. "

Harry immediately made his decision. He could not have his emotions so out there like that.

"No, Thank you."

"Very well. I also thought you would like to know how Voldemort is immortal."

Harry perked up.

"He uses something called Horcruxes. I'm not going to tell you what they are, because since you have quite a bit of free time you may research them."

Dumbledore looked condescending as he departed his office without a word.

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The next month passed in a similar matter, everyone becoming more and more worried about Harry's mental state, even Snape somewhat, and Harry becoming more and more blatantly less caring. (**A.N. It's pretty impossible to write about nothing.**)

Harry had been researching Horcruxes, and he had found out what they were:

Basically when you killed someone you separated your soul. It was the act of encasing the separate part, substantially Dark Magic.

One day a few lonesome people were sitting in the common room after a particularly nasty potions lesson where Neville's cauldron exploded again, but more messy than normal while the nearest got cleaned up.

Harry was studying for Transfiguration when he felt it in the air, a big tension snap. Incidentally, Ron stalked over to him.

"I'm sick of this." Ron declared. Harry silently cheered, but little did he know Ron was faking anger to get him to talk. Ron was _not_ that impossibly thick.

"I'm sick of this 'I'm fine' and not listening and ignoring us Harry! I've been trying to talk to you, and you never answer!" Ron grabbed his head "look at me!"

Harry did no such thing and continued studying. This really angered Ron, so he punched him, creating quite a scene, which he knew Harry didn't like.

"Dammit! LOOK AT ME! All I Would Ever Do Is Try To Help You!"

Harry did look. Ron saw dead eyes, a matte forest green. And they held no emotion, none at all, for the first time.

Ron stalked away, baffling everyone who was watching.

Harry's last thought outside of schoolwork that night was 'I'm a famous name.'

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Harry continued having nightmares, but he no longer dwelled on them. he got up, and he studied. Late one night when most everyone was asleep, waking up after a nap, he was called down to the headmaster's office with a note:

_Dear Harry,_

_I do enjoy Mars Bars, and was hoping you could share one with me tonight. _

_Headmaster Dumbledore._

'Oh, it's the headmaster, dang. Time to fool him, this'll be tough'

Harry, like a drone, made his way up to the eagle landing.

"Mars Bars."

And in no time at all he found himself standing small in front of the headmaster.

"How are you feeling, Harry?"

Harry was feeling rather sick of that question. He felt fine, apart from the perpetually burning scar and the aching loneliness, knowing he was doing the right thing. But he must carry on, like Dumbledore failed to be strong with him.

"Do you have a date for the Thanksgiving Ball? It's in a week you know." Dumbledore asked with a rather off twinkle.

'Thanksgiving what? goodness. Of course I don't have a date.'

It had been announced two weeks previously, but Harry had been so fargone by that point it did not reach him. "I'm not going."

"Oh really, and why would that be?"

"I don't want to."

Dumbledore changed the subject. "Did you find out what Horcruxes were?" It had been nearly a month previous he sent him out on his query.

"Of course, sir."

"I thought you might like to know I have been hunting them, and if you were to have any information on Voldemort it would be greatly appreciated."

They sat in silence after this, Dumbledore pondering matte green eyes and Harry pondering how he was going to escape. After all, he really wanted to know the theory of the human transfiguration.

"I wish to go, professor."

Dumbledore sighed. Obviously he was getting bare minimum.

"I hope to see you in better health."

Harry barely made it out of the office until he collided with Ginny, Ron, and Hermione.

"How are you feeling?" They asked.

It was the one thing that raised the most emotion in a long time for him, burning anger that they would not let go, that his occlumency parted and the scar burned righteously, allowing the most evil presence Harry had ever known entrance.

He felt as if his whole body was under cruciatuses, tens of them, and a snake coiled around him, choking off breath and causing immense pain. They were fused, just like in the ministry.

On the outside nothing had changed, though his eyes had a slight tinge of red to them.

He forcefully brushed past them and strode purposefully away, toward the dormitories.

.....

Dumbledore came out of his office a second after.

"Children! what a pleasant surprise."

Dumbledore felt something in the wards breach, and strode away in the direction of the breach, Harry's friends on foot.

"We think something's up with Harry."

Ginny spoke up. "He's pushing us away, thinking he can protect us."

Dumbledore knew the implications of this, and suddenly Harry's attitude was explained, as well as the evil breach in the wards.

"We have to move."

.....

Through all of the pain Harry knew Voldemort was taking him to the dormitories.

He stormed through them, Seamus and Dean staring after his red eyes.

The moment Harry/Voldemort picket up the firebolt and opened the window, Dumbledore strode in, wand raised.

"Back away from that window, Tom."

Harry's friends started, and Voldemort turned around.

Harry's pupils were now slit like a snake, and his irises were like a scarlet lens, completely covering up the emerald green.

"Dumbledore" He scowled.

His voice was an overlay, Harry's voice completely laid under Voldemort's, in an evil constriction.

"I'm afraid I cannot let you leave, Tom."

Harry sensed what was going on, but he could not focus. The great snake was using his mouth, and his body.

Harry suddenly had Voldemort's wand, and he felt himself raising it.

"You'll have to."

Ginny ran from the room, to clear the tower. Ron and Hermione ran to help.

Harry heard a great commotion outside the room as Dumbledore and Voldemort dueled once again.

Only this time, it was different. Harry had pushed the pain back to think and could tell Dumbledore was using passive spells, afraid to hurt Harry.

'Stupid Dumbledore, think past the Damned Prophecy.' Harry thought angrily.

The pain increased tenfold, and came back with renewed force.

Harry was no longer aware of anything but the pain, and the great snake.

Hours, Days later to Harry, he found Voldemort standing over Dumbledore bound.

Ron, Hermione, Ginny, and Neville were somehow in the room. Also bound.

He realized also in that split second Voldemort was going to kill Dumbledore, as he raised his wand.

"Avada Kedav-"

To everyone in the room, Harry/Voldemort's eyes looked to be battling. The red overlay fading and coming as Harry fought the snake for the first time.

He was struggling against Voldemort, finally sense knocked into his head. He couldn't fight the war without them, and they were love. Love of Mentor, Romance, Family and Friend. He wasn't even aware he thought romance.

"Get out of me!"

Harry whispered this out loud, and in his own voice. To them, his hand was twitching as he struggled to let go of Voldemort's wand.

It slipped from his hand.

Harry collapsed to his knees as suddenly everyone was freed and held his head screaming in agony.

Little did everyone know Voldemort was now losing against love.

'Foolish little boy,' The snake, Voldemort, spat. 'Love. Defeat me??'

'Y-Yes!'

'You're a fool.'

Harry fell to his side against Ginny.

Ginny spoke softly amidst the screams, from Harry and and the talking in the common room. "Harry, fight him, you'll be okay."

Harry heard her, but just the words... 'fight.. you'll be okay...' He didn't know who spoke.

Voldemort have a nasty shove, and he convulsed and stopped screaming. Ginny sprang up from his side and when she did, he stopped and just twitched, moaning in pain.

Ron tentatively touched Harry. Harry screamed when he did, but it was Voldemort's pain. He was helping Harry. He didn't know that though, and pulled away.

Harry felt himself weakening, and just twitched in his dying body.

Dumbledore grabbed on to Harry, as he was the only one who knew. Harry screamed and convulsed again, but this was Voldemort's pain.

Ron and Co. looked at Dumbledore in horror, but he refused to notice as he held Harry tight.

Harry took strength from his Mentor, and gave Voldemort a dose of love.

He remembered the times when Ron laughed in childhood antics, Hermione scoffing at the immaturity of them all, Ginny talking gaily with them, and Dumbledore helping them through the tough times.

Harry quieted, as well as the common room full of the Order of the Phoenix, and gave a final shudder.

Dumbledore paled, and fearing the worst, picked Harry up and carried him downstairs.

"Madame Pomphrey.." He said quietly, and actually ran from the room.

Nobody could say they had ever seen their Headmaster and Leader more frazzled and worried.

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Everyone stood looking over Harry, laying in a hospital bed seemingly faking sleep but really unresponsive beneath a plate labeled Harry Potter: Most Frequent Visitor.

"He's physically fine, except for the unawareness. He's even eating and everything, but only things that a braindead man would do. I suspect his mind is weary, from...." Even in this worry, Madame Pomphrey retained the businesslike tone.

Dumbledore, looking especially pale and thin, stood above Harry Potter along with Severus Snape, Minerva McGonagall and Madame Pomphrey.

Nobody could believe Harry Potter had yet another mental battle with Voldemort and came out on top.

Severus Snape spoke up. "Perhaps we could look into his mind sir, and - "

"No, Severus." Dumbledore cut in. "That is extremely violating, and you know that as well as I."

"But I believe these to be extenuating circumstances."

"I, however, do not." Dumbledore said with an air of finality. Dumbledore always did the morally right thing, even now.

"I believe we best be going." Minerva said quietly.

They all dispersed as the rest of the ministry six ran in.

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If you never reviewed for the rest of your lives, I need reviews this time. This was the big thing! Voldemort was planning it, and poor withdrawn Harry was out of the loop.


	5. A Scared Animal

I know I said Thanksgiving ball in the last chapter, and I apologize. I live in America, and I needed a time mark in the middle of November.

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A solid hour later Ginny was sitting alone by Harry's bed. She was partially steaming with him, and was going to rage when he woke. 'How dare he do that? We still care about Him! he's our friend he should know it. He was trying to protect us, and ended up hurting us.' Were her thoughts. Another part of her was going to cry and help her friend through the hard times. And acknowledge the butterflies. Ginny placed her hand upon his, and hoped for the best.

.....

Harry was shocked. He, as far as he knew, was in a blank void of darkness unlike any other he had ever been in. His mind simply wouldn't work enough to ask the question 'Where am I?.' Harry Potter was simply exhausted. And so he slept, peacefully on.

.....

Ron, Hermione and Ginny were sitting by Harry's bed while the order discussed things, like 'How could this happen?' And 'Why didn't he throw Voldemort out this time?'

"Why didn't he throw Voldemort out this time?" Snape asked, as if asking why a child got a question wrong a second time. Dumbledore sighed. "He was withdrawing from his friends, and last time he threw him out because his _love_ for Sirius was burning afresh. He had withdrawn so far that he nulled the feelings. Before you ask I do not know why he did this. I remember telling him everyone was going to have to get involved last year, and maybe he tried to disassociate them with him so that they may live, I do not know." As had been happening lately, Harry's friends were angry with this notion. Quite apart from Voldemort, they wanted to be his friend. Lupin looked confused. "How did he think," Lupin began, "That pushing us away would save us? We were going to be affected anyway, and Harry's friends are too good of friends for that." Luckily Harry's friends weren't listening. "He thought it would save _them_ because otherwise they are ordinary, innocent students." Snape was looking impatient by this point, and Dumbledore turned to him expecting an 'I told you so.'

"I told you," Snape said, "I told you Voldemort would try and do this. He never really told anyone, but the very innermost conciousness he knew _he_ was constantly trying to break into his mind. You always said "Harry has love, Voldemort can't stand it." or something along those lines. We need to keep an eye on him!" Dumbledore looked pained. "I wish, but he deserves this. I know -" McGonagall cut in. "He just withdrew and resultantly nearly killed himself! He was trying to be noble, how does he deserve it!? He is the kindest, sweetest boy I had ever met and _he deserves this_?" McGonagall stormed. Dumbledore sighed. "I had told him previously that love was the answer, and he had not listened to me, and hopefully because of this he shall listen next time."

Dumbledore bowed his head sadly. It had been 3 days since Harry had battled, and story had gotten around the school once again. Harry Potter defeated You-Know-Who again! Hardly. Nobody knew how long it would be before he woke up again. Dumbledore had some very important things to tell young Harry.

Dumbledore continued to stand against the far wall as Snape, Lupin, and McGonagall left and Harry's dorm mates came in after a weekend of shopping for the perfect outfit for a much needed ball to lighten the spirits heavy with loss. Seamus and Dean, Neville and Ron all stood by Harry. After a time, all the students by his bed got up and left, as did Dumbledore.

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Ginny sat on her dorm bed the night of the ball. She had wanted to go with Harry withdrawn or not because she had believed he needed to have some fun. She was mad at herself for not acting sooner. They should have told Dumbledore, or McGonagall! How stupid could they have been. In the last, He wasn't even reacting to what they said, nose always buried in his work. He didn't even react to Malfoy and his taunts about the Weasleys. Ron and Hermione speculated many things, entertaining the possibilities of regression at the Dursleys, to abuse, and Hermione mentioned a disease called Clinical Depression. To them, and to her too, nothing seemed to fit. Dumbledore told the school that he had another run-in with Voldemort, but as always the whole school knew before that, that he had been possessed. Some of the facts had been garbled, yes, like he did not duel with Dumbledore in the Chamber of Secrets, but that is to be expected. Ginny figured she should start to get ready, or she would be late for her friends.

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Hermione and Ron were talking, in some silence in the common room. It would be two weeks in two days since Harry had his run-in. "Was he just pushing us away to protect us? Because it didn't seem to work." Ron said. He had been (irrationally) angry at Harry, but Ginny and Hermione said they were irritated too but they would wait to bereat him until he woke up. Ron would ask what bereat meant, and Hermione would say "fine. storm at, yell at, something like that."

"I know, Ron, but he'll need support, one because he is mentally destroyed and two who knows what he'll act like, after suppressing all emotion for months and then letting emotion through and getting attacked by Voldemort? I just hope he'll listen to Dumbledore about it." Hermione said. They had had this discussion many times, to pull their attention away from the deaths in the newspaper they were hapless to prevent or the somberness of sitting by Harry's bed and hoping vainly.

"What exactly will Dumbledore say?" Ron asked, again angrily. "Hey Harry, feelings almost got you killed so I need you to dump emotion everywhere? From his point of view that will be saying kill all your friends and commit suicide!" Hermione was astonished that Ron put himself in another's shoes. "Ron, good job!" Hermione said.

"What?"

"You just put - nevermind."

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Harry's eyes flickered as his head burst into action. He quickly realized he was in the empty hospital wing, but he had no idea why, as he felt fine. Harry sat up and called out "Madame Pomfrey!" She came rushing in harriedly after hearing Harry's voice, wand raised. "Oh, good dear, _you're_ awake. Not him." She muttered the last part as she started checking Harry over.

"Madame Pomfrey?"

"Yes?"

"Why am I here?"

Madame Pomfrey said "Well.... well.... Maybe I should get the Headmaster, dearie." And she hurried away to alerts the headmaster as soon as she was done. Harry sat on his bed. Had his plan failed, had Voldemort taken them? He remembered being in Dumbledore's office, walking out.. and then a split second where his scar had ripped with pain and he felt immense evil, but he didn't remember anything. It gave his scar a nasty twinge just to think about it. At that moment Dumbledore strode in, Madame Pomfrey at his heels.

"Harry." Dumbledore said as he reached the foot of his bed. "How are you feeling?" Harry said the every-customary "fine." And then "why am I here?" Dumbledore sighed, and hoped he would not retain this attitude for long. "Harry, what do you remember?" "I remember walking out of your office, and then my scar hurt and then I was lying in bed here." "Well, when your scar hurt, Voldemort possessed you. You ran up into the dormitories, Voldemort hoping to escape with you and kill you. I caught him in the dormitories and stopped him from escaping. You mentally fought him, as we watched you convulse on the dormitory floor." Dumbledore looked pained as he said this.

Harry fought to understand, and when he did, the memories hit him like a bombshell. A swirl of emotion not understandable ran though him as he remembered the events of the whole school year plus that night, as his calm barrier broke down. He would be forced to deal with every emotion he would have had the whole school year. He visibly started, and backed away. He couldn't stand the sight of anyone, any people, anything, and yelled "Get Away From Me!" Dumbledore felt the raw magic in the room, but approached him anyway. "Harry, please – " He began, but "Go Away!" interrupted him. Harry started forcing his raw magic towards Dumbledore, and they both decided it would be prudent to leave the room. As soon as they did, Harry buried his head in his knees and cried, confusion all over the marred tempest of every emotion you could imagine.

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Dumbledore had just told Ron, Hermione, and Ginny what had happened when he saw Harry. "Why did he do that?" Hermione said. "Why would he just… attack you?" Dumbledore sighed, as he knew the attack was because he was a person and not because he was Dumbledore. "I do not know. It would not be advisable for you to go see Harry. He will come to us when he is ready, and I fear he will hurt you out of confusion and fear if you go to him." Ginny said "He sounds like a scared and hurt animal." Dumbledore said raggedly, sadly, "He is."

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Reviews? Criticisms? I'm serious when I say the more reviews I get the faster a chapter comes.


	6. Quidditch!

Hey boys and girls! The somewhat-conclusive chapter you all have been waiting for!

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Harry sat on his bed quietly after drawing the curtains, rocking back and forth keening. He remembered a while ago, was walking down the hall with Ron, and Draco Malfoy came up to both of them…

"Potter and the Weasel!" He shouted from across the hallway, managing to sneer. "Thought you'd be out losing a war! What's got you stuck in here?" Harry felt anger, but pushed it away. Ron said angrily "Wondering the same thing about you!" Malfoy said "Potter! What about you? Got anything to say about killing your mangy mutt?" Harry felt raging anger to lash out, but it was contained.

Harry screamed with rage at all of the times his godfather was insulted, his memory smudged. Harry remembered every time Ron yelled, or Hermione cried out for him to not float away. They said he needed them and they were right, but he didn't know how to protect them. When ever Ron yelled, he would be feeling happy, but sad, so sad, for the same reason. He didn't want to give them up, his friends. He felt so lost. Harry didn't know Dumbledore had monitors on the room, but he said in a small voice, "Dumbledore." He just wanted someone to help, and Dumbledore helped.

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Dumbledore was sitting in his office by the monitors at that moment, thinking about Voldemort's next moves and the Horcruxes, when the audio monitor picked up more than crying, Dumbledore heard a plea in his name, and summoned Severus. About 4 minutes later Snape strode into Dumbledore's office. "You called?" He said snidely. "I've come to the decision that legilimency would help." Snape took on a snide, sort of commanding look until Dumbledore said "preformed by me." Snape looked like a kid told he couldn't have candy.

They walked down to the hospital wing to find Harry look up with a young pleading in his eyes at Dumbledore. But when he saw Snape, they hardened into knifes. "Stupid boy." Snape said. "You are just lounging around trying to – " But exactly what Harry was trying to, they never found out because Harry cried out and attacked Snape, rage at him for all the year's humiliations at potions lessons driving him to do so. He was spelled off by Dumbledore. "Severus," he began in a condescending tone. "I brought you here in case something were to happen, because Harry is an exceptionally powerful young man. I did _not_ bring you here to insult and bereat him when he would only see anger. I am asking you to stand and stay silent." Snape looked mutinous and Harry sat shaking on the bed. Dumbledore turned to Harry. "Harry, I'm going to use Legitimacy to help you deal with what you are feeling. I'm going to need you to not put up your barriers." Harry looked stricken at this, but Snape felt them being lowered and nodded at Dumbledore. "Thank you Harry. Legilimens!"

While standing still and immobile bent over Harry, he as swept away in a current of emotions far stronger than he had ever seen. Harry was confused and wanted someone to understand and help him. He was angry at Malfoy and Snape, for being perpetually mean throughout the whole year. He had been pushing his friends away and was ashamed at his behavior. He wanted to protect them though, and he didn't know how, but he also wanted to keep being their friend. Again, most of all he wanted someone to understand even just the grain of indignance he felt when someone bumped into him rudely, because it had been barred by occlumency gone wrong.

Dumbledore stumbled as he withdrew from Harry's mind, shocked at what he saw and having a hard time not shedding a tear himself, as Harry was weeping profusely and scratching at his scar. Dumbledore turned to Snape, as he didn't need him anymore and was sure he wanted to be somewhere else. Brewing potions, no doubt. "Severus, you may go." Dumbledore said, barely keeping the shake from his voice. "If I must…" he said snidely, obviously expecting to come off as wanting to stay here and torment Harry, but it was obvious he left in high spirits. Dumbledore walked towards Harry once Snape had left. "Harry," Dumbledore said gently. "Come here." He sat by the edge of the bed while Harry cried himself out. "Harry," Dumbledore said when he was finished crying. "I want to learn how to perform occlumency right." Harry said quietly. Dumbledore was startled at his talking. "Very well," he said, choosing not to comment on the speech. "I will fit that into the private lessons we spoke of." Harry obviously didn't know what he was talking about. "I told you not 2 weeks ago we would start working together privately." Dumbledore elaborated.

"I held off telling you at the beginning of term because of the state you were in. I knew you didn't like things held back, but I wasn't sure. It isn't even definitive, what we would be studying, so I didn't know if you would mind." Dumbledore trailed off, hoping he had explained himself enough. Harry remembered discussing this, but he only just really took this in. "When can I learn occlumency specifically?" Harry asked, again quietly, pain and emotion written all over his face. "You can start now." Dumbledore said. "Allow me to get you a book on occlumency and you can begin reading it." Dumbledore left then temporarily. Whe he returned, he held a tome entitled Occlumency: Medatative Techniques. "Here you are Harry. I must be getting back to the tedious paperwork of headmastery." Dumbledore said as he smiled. Harry nodded his thanks as Dumbledore bade farewell.

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Ginny, Ron, and Hermione were sitting in the common room discussing Harry. "He obviously had some kind of memory loss and regained his memory of the event all at once, but his reaction wouldn't be that strong. Which means that can't be all there is." Hermione said, getting into the flow of explaining Harry's actions. "What if it is connected to the way he has been all distant and uncaring before the attack?" Ginny asked. They really had been over that aspect already and suspected it, but their explanation was it was just making it harder and she thought it was more. "Ginny," Ron said. "It's just making it harder on him, not having friends there, we've been over this!" Ron said exasperatedly. Ginny piqued up. "Then why isn't Dumbledore letting us see him? He's barring anyone and everyone access. It makes sense!" Ginny said. "It does fit, but we don't have any logical evidence and it's human nature to defer to the simplest explanation. The 'It's just stressing him' theory currently fits better." Hermione said plaintively. Ron sighed. "I wish we could just help him instead of sitting around trying to figure it out!"

"You don't have to, you could just listen." Dumbledore said, finding them there discussing Harry that night. "Dumbledore!" Ginny said. "How's Harry?" She asked worriedly. Dumbledore sighed wearily. "I went to see him. I will not tell you what transpired in an effort to protect his privacy, but as it turns out we was performing improper occlumency before Voldemort possessed him and that is what enabled him. He, most literally, _turned off his emotions_. All the emotions he had turned off from the time he did it came rushing back to him at once. He has to deal with them _all_ at once and accordingly. I plan to teach him occlumency, and you can visit him late tomorrow. I warrant you I have no idea how he will or will not react to you." Dumbledore looked weary. "I will tell you when you can come see him." And he walked out of the common room.

"Good!" Ron said, punching the air. "Can tell him all about that win we had against Slytherin while he was out. Sweet!" Ron punched the air again. Ginny and Hermione just grinned.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

_Breathing can be some of the most important ways to calm the mind. Stay still as you breathe in as deeply as you can, as slowly as you can. Visualize the previously mentioned object in your mind. Let it fill you to the brim…. _ Harry slammed the book shut. He was reading the book practicing, and it felt like utter rubbish. He had chosen a Phoenix as his protection, but this whole entire thing seemed ridiculous. He had to say, he felt like an idgit doing this. He _knew_ it was instrumental to the process and all that, but he felt ridiculous, again. But every time he thought of Hermione, or Ron, he would have so many different emotions he just _had _to get them under control. So he re-opened the book, and breathed in, visualizing a phoenix.

Harry had read the book halfway through when he had thought it time to go to bed. He was able to build a basic wall against intruders and fix it so his emotions were under control. Mostly. He was somewhat satisfied as he went to bed. He just hoped he wouldn't completely break down when he saw his friends tomorrow.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Harry was anxiously practicing his occlumency to calm himself down, but the _anxiously_ part was really working against that. He was worried about his own reaction to seeing them. He didn't want to frighten them or push them away anymore now that he knew that was a bugger-kind of idea. Most of all he didn't want to unduly worry them, which is why he always hid his emotions well before he even started this whole tirade. There was so much to worry about! Maybe he should ask for a calming drought. Harry had another thought, why was he still in the hospital wing if he had no physical injuries? He supposed it was because he was so emotionally unstable, but he'd be over this in another day. Hopefully.

"Harry." Dumbledore stood in the doorway. "They are going to be here in a minute. Do you think you're okay for this?" Dumbledore said sagely. Harry thought it was rather… manipulative into him seeing his friends for Dumbledore to ask _now_, as they were going to be here any minute. Harry let out a wry laugh, which Dumbledore looked puzzled at. Another unconscious manipulation on the part of Dumbledore! He'd really have to work on that sometime. "Yes, I suppose I am." As Harry sighed. He realized that he was right though, and he was going to be happy he saw his friends. As long as they didn't ask anything even slightly serious. Or ask anything really, if they kept talking themselves he'd be totally peachy with that too.

A few minutes later the Hospital Wing doors opened to reveal Harry's friends: Ron, Hermione, and Ginny. Harry looked at all three of them and smiled. "Hey!" Ron shouted. His excitement was apparent. Hermione's and Ginny's relief were written all over their face. He didn't have time for that though, as Ron charged. "While you were knocked out, we won a Quidditch game against Slytherin! It was a massive win, 360 to 50! We slaughtered them. This leaves us to beat Ravenclaw by just 30 and we win the Quidditch Cup!" Ron looked like he was floating by this. He should be, it was his first year as captain and he would probably win the Quidditch cup. Harry grinned. "Cool! What happened?" Harry listened to a synopsis and joined in the Quidditch babble, leaving Hermione and Ginny wonder exactly again why they were staying. Besides making sure Harry was alright, it really was quite boring.

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Even though I know you rationally don't care, I'm going to say if you want to know all about me, look at Hermione third year. That's me, right down to the age and hair color and study habits and obsessitivity and everything. If I wrote a Hermione fanfic I'd be writing about myself.

**The reviews are my sunshine, the top of every day, the thing I wait for every night. Dare you deprive me of the pleasure? **


	7. Truth

**Readers,**

**Oh dear, I seemed to have lapsed in my updates. Partly because I keep thinking my story's dreadful, but that's why I post writing anymously is out of embarrassment. The point is, a new chapter for everyone!**

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Harry began coming to classes again a week later. He was still shaken up, but he was coming to himself slowly. And with lots of encouragement. All kinds of ridiculous rumors were flying around about him, from him being imperiused from the tussle in the ministry all the way to Harry being the next Dark Lord. Consequentially, a small population of the school (which happened to be the same as the core people who thought the same thing in second year) had taken to avoiding him in the hallways. Most people were passing it off as another weird thing that happened to Harry Potter.

Harry was sitting in the common room making up work and absentmindedly doodling when Gred and Forge bounded up to Harry. "Harrikins!" One of them practically shouted, causing the population of the common room to stare at them. "Come outside!" The other one said.

"The weathers nice," The other one said…

"And we were outside," The other other one said, whom he just figured out to be George because he was wearing the F shirt,

"Hermione and Ginny _and _Ron,"

"Our thickheaded brother,"

"Think you should come outside!" Fred finished

George popped in again "And if Ron thinks so, you really should."

Harry puttered around for a reason not to come outside. "I'm doing my homework right now," Harry said. He had not been dealing very well since what had happened. Hermione said he had clinical depression, but Harry, knowing what it was, denied every time.

"Even if you were, we'd dump ink all over it so you'd have to come outside. It will be fun." Fred said.

"Um.. Uh.. I just don't want to, alright?" He said slightly annoyed.

"No, No, No! You are coming outside!" George said, sweeping up all of Harry's homework.

Harry, resigned, gave in. "Alright! Let me go get my winter stuff on you two. No sabotaging my homework!" He said, grabbing it back.

"He must be depressed," Fred began conspicuously. They had been making fun of Hermione's diagnosis ever since she said it. "He must be depressed if he thinks we really would sabotage homework. He knows we would never do that!" He finished grandly. And it was true, the twins never sabotaged stuff that really mattered, unless the occasion truly called for it.

And 20 minutes later, Harry was being pummeled in the crossfire of a snowball fight. An ambush had been launched upon him and 7 people were taking all of their snowballs and throwing them at him from all directions.

"Ah! Ow! Goddangit, gimme a chance to – Oof!" Harry was holding his hands up in front of his face when he got hit hard in the small of the back and fell. "I shouldn't a listened to those two…" Harry grumbled good naturedly.

They had seemed to run out of snowballs as they all came out of their hiding spot and rushed to gather more snow. Harry ran over to some unused snow, deciding this was fun after all.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Harry was sitting in front of the common room fire, with Ron and Hermione talking and sitting close. He had discovered that while he was suppressing his mind, they had finally discovered they liked each other. He had also been thinking about the prophecy, and he knew he really should tell them, but how was he supposed to do that? 'Hey Ron and Hermione, I have to kill the greatest sorcerer in a very freaking long time or he will plunge our world into depression and misery.' He thought it to himself, and it sounded very melodramatic, and stupid. But he had to anyways. Well, he didn't actually think he had to, but that's what got him possessed and nearly captured in the first place.

Ron and Hermione must have seen these thoughts written on his face, because Hermione said "Harry, what's wrong?"

Harry didn't feel quite ready at that moment to tell them. Plus, it was to public an area to say that. "N-Nothing."

"Harry, you have to tell someone. We can tell something's been bothering you," Hermione said. She didn't continue, but trailed off.

Harry decided that he'd never feel like it was the right time and said  
"Alright, come to the Room of Requirement with me."

Hermione and Ron got up, worry plastered all over their faces and still holding hands.

…………..

Harry was pacing. They were in a room not entirely dissimilar to the Gryffindor common room, but it was a lot smaller. Harry paced back and forth, trying to work up the nerve to tell them. Hermione and Ron sat patiently in a small couch, waiting, still looking worried. They thought if it was this big a deal, it must be bad.

Harry stopped pacing and stood in front of them, shifting his weight. "What do you know of the 'prophecy' that was made about me and Voldemort?" Harry asked.

"Well, all the articles said that it said you had to kill Voldemort, but they were from the Daily Prophet and they print rubbish and anyways prophecy's don't exist." Hermione said, in full blown know-it-all mode. Harry completely changed tack.

"Do you know what those orbs were in the ministry?" Harry asked.

Hermione looked baffled. "No idea." Ron was appalled.

"Last question. Tell me what you know of the Hall of Prophecies." Harry said.

"What do you care, it doesn't exist!" Hermione said anxiously. "Shut up and answer!" Ron whispered. Hermione was getting frantic because she was putting the pieces together and frankly, she didn't like the puzzle picture. "It's a hall of recorded prophecies in the department of mysteries." She said smally.

Harry sighed, and fell onto an armchair not dissimilar to his favorite one in the Gryffindor common room. "The hall of prophecies is real Hermione, and each one of those orbs we saw was a prophecy. Some were old and some new, but they all were prophecies. Voldemort tricked me to go there not because he wanted to kill Sirius," Harry cast his eyes downward, "But to get a prophecy. They can –"

Harry was cut off by Hermione. "Can only be retrieved by those whom they are made about!" Hermione said. She leaned forward, while Ron sat completely still. "What did it say?" She whispered. A mutual understanding of the situation was came to.

Harry drew a breath, stood up, sat down, stood up again and paced a little bit, turned, and spoke.

"_The one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord approaches ... born to those who have thrice defied him, born as the seventh month dies ... and the Dark Lord will mark him as equal, but he will have power the Dark Lord knows not ..._" Harry choked on his words,"_And either must die at the hand of the other for neither can live while the other survives ... the one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord will be born as the seventh month dies … _The power is love. He can't stand it, and that's why Quirrel burned in first year, and why I didn't die, because my mom died from love to save me." He said.

Harry sat down and blinked tears away. It was the first time since that night that he had openly acknowledged that it was him. He couldn't try to deny the truth any longer.

Ron fell back against the couch shocked and Hermione jumped up and ran to hug Harry, crying and rambling about hexes and curses and a bunch of useless things Harry didn't hear. After a bit Ron got up, actually hugged Harry and said "We'll be here for you. Lets go to the common room." Hermione hugged Ron, and Harry nodded mutely as they got up and went to the common room.

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**Oh, my goodness, poor Harry. Hermione's a bit quick to interrupt in a tense situation, isn't she? Happiness and laughter to come, I promise. His life isn't **_**dreadful**_**.**

**Ideas on Voldywart's downfall? Harry Potter and the Extended Camping Trip bothered me. **

**And I'll get on the ball about simple life, like the order and such… **


	8. Charms

**Readers,**

**If you can figure out which 2 spells I crafted the wand movement and idea for the spell in Charms out of, you get 100 points. It's that hard.**

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Harry was sitting in Charms hopelessly. The Charms classroom was always noisy, and Hermione was taking advantage of that to try and help Harry through the mountain of homework. Harry retained his amazing study habits and reading capabilities, but even so could not get through it all alone.

"Harry, swish and _jab_. Like this. _Quanta Gravis!_" Hermione waved her wand and pointed at the stone they were charming to be indefinitely heavy. Not indefinitely, but so high anything charmed by this never gets lifted. But somehow it doesn't fall through the desk either.

"_Quanta Gravis!_" Harry commanded. He jabbed his wand and his rock shot to the ceiling.

Harry thumped his head on the desk while Ron looked on sympathetically. "How on earth?!" Harry said.

"Harry, the swish of the wand movement-" Hermione demonstrated, "determined how much weight it is, so you have to _loop_ it first." Harry did so. His rock shot through the ceiling again. Ron tried the same, and the same thing happened.

They looked at eachother significantly and both thumped their heads on their desks.

"Harry?"

"Yeah?"

"What the bloody hell?"

"No idea Ron, no idea."

They remained with their heads on the desks and Hermione looking onward the rest of the 5 minutes of class.

Not surprisingly, they were the only ones with homework.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

By the end of the day, Harry had more homework than ever. He had a potions essay on the composition of amortentia, (having missed the discussion day on it) He had to practice nonverbal spells and perform stupefy perfectly in class, something he wasn't even close to achieving at that point, practicing the infinite gravity charm, and an essay on human transfigurations due in 4 days thankfully, but over 2 feet long.

"Hermione? Can you _please_ help me?" Harry pleaded "Again?" He added smally. "I have more homework than _Ron._"

Ron grinned. "Hey! Not fair."

Harry looked at him. "You are the person whom everyone considers to always have the most homework."

Ron looked nonplussed. "Really?"

"Yeah."

"Oh."

Hermione had looked exasperated. "Oh all right. Come here, and I'll _edit_," Hermione placed a delicate stress on the word, "Your essays."

Harry sighed and handed over the amortentia essay. About 6 minutes later Hermione said "This is good Harry, you've been doing really well under Slughorn and I just thought to mention it."

Harry sighed. "I know, without the bat of the dungeons leering at me it's easy to work. But now my grade in D.A.D.A. is falling. Can't have everything I suppose.." Harry gave a dramatic sigh and put his hand up to his forehead in a 'damsel in distress imitation.' Hermione chuckled but Ron looked confused.

Ron beat Hermione to it. "Muggle thing?"

"Muggle thing."

Ginny bounded down the stairs at that precise moment looking exceptionally happy.

"Where are you going?" Hermione asked.

"Off to meet Michael!" She said.

Ron looked annoyed. He had heard about Ginny going out with Michael, and consequentially didn't like him. Harry had heard about it secondhand, of course, but hadn't seen any direct evidence. When Michael swept Ginny off her feet, Harry decided he didn't really like Michael anyway.

After they left, Ron started on a tirade. "Stupid Corner, taking advantage of Ginny." He grumbed. "He picked her up! He _manhandled _her!" Ron kept up his preaching about manhandling until…

"Ron!" Hermione said. "Ginny _wanted, __**wanted**_that to happen. It was not _manhandling._" She sighed, the sigh of a girl with an incredibly thick guy as a friend, for Ron believed Michael had every intention of being mean to Ginny.

Hermione turned to Harry. "Does he really think Michael's being mean? He couldn't! Ginny'd bat-bogey hex him before he saw her wand tip. Michael's probably being _just fine._" Hermione shook her head and got back to her own homework.

Harry however gave homework up as a bad job and went to bed.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Harry woke up with a prickling scar and a distinctly unhappy feeling, despite it being the day before Christmas and a brilliant snowing weekend. Harry ambled out of bed rubbing his scar when "Gonna see if I can get'cha on the team," met him from another bed next to his.

"What?" Harry mumbled blearily.

"Ron came to himself. "Team. You are going to be Gryffindor's star seeker again." Ron looked for a reaction.

Harry smiled hugely because he knew Ron wanted a reaction. "That's great! That's fabulous news." Harry was actually startled by his lack of reaction, like it was locked away somewhere.

Harry shook his head. His emotion-obliterating occlumency was all done right? Nevertheless, he was rattled.

Harry ambled downstairs to the common room when a warm snowball met his face. As he wiped away the partially melted snow, he asked "don't you have anything better to do, Gred? You've been here the last 2 days doing _nothing_." Harry looked around the common room, and saw the noticeboard.

He hadn't noticed it before, but a sign was put up a week ago for testers for their untested products. WWW being a now growing franchise and popular name, people signed up immediately.

Harry groaned, and Fred and Geroge's grins grew wider.

"We asked Dumbledore are everything, he's totally peachy with the idea."

"Thought it was cool."

"Lighten the war mood."

Harry headed them off. "That's great, fabulous." He hoisted his bag onto the table, using this free time to do his homework. Lord knows cramming never worked.

He had productively written 1/4th of a human transfiguration essay when Ginny stormed into the common room, an angry Michael Corner to follow. He felt vaguely happy, and again he felt that pricked sense of having closed off emotions. He had had this growing feeling for a while, and it was getting worse quicker.

Ron, who had _finally_ come down to the common room now that he had cleaned up the mess Seamus and Dean were shouting at him for in the dormitories, saw this. The moment they both left, Ron sniggered.

"Michael's getting a taste of his own _medicine._" Ron said. "Hey Harry, did'ya see? Ginny might've dumped Corner." Ron was looking vindictive now, and it was really weird to see. Ron actually looked off his rocker a bit.

"Ron?" Harry asked. "Ron, are you okay?"

Ron looked gloomy. "Yeah, _fine,_ why?"

Harry was puzzled. Then he remembered the Slug Club. "Did you, by any chance," He began nervously, "eat or drink anything I left in my bed?"

Ron looked guilty like a small child. "I saw some yummy butterbeer on the edge of the bed," He said, giggling.

According to Hermione, all the anonymous love gifts had love potion in them and therefore he shouldn't eat or drink them. Harry could only guess this one had an addled love potion in it.

Harry sighed. What a world it is.

Ron was glaring at passerby now. "Why? Why do you wanna know?"

"You took some messed up love potion."

This panicked Rom immediately. "I'm poisoned?" He said frantically. "We gotta do somethin', Harry!"

"Yes Ron."

Harry was actually going to say something else when Ron sighted a bug. "Oh look Harry! A pretty butterfly is on the window!"

Harry shook his head as he took Ron by the arm and led him out of the common room.

He soon found himself and an extremely twitchy Ron outside the Potions dungeon. Harry walked in and toward the cabinet with bezoars when,

"Harry!" Professor Slughorn boomed. "How nice to see you!" He had been extremely chummy to him since he regained the power of emotion and wanted nothing more than to be his friend. "What brings you here?"

Harry sighed. "Ron accidentally took some misbrewed potion and since I don't have a sample of what he took I'm giving him," He rummaged in the drawer, "A bezoar."

He held up the bezoar.

Professor Slughorn shook his head. "Alright, but I'll have you know bezoars are extremely rare, and you owe me a favor now." He said, stroking his moustache.

Ron screwed up his face. "Why do I have to shove that down my throat?"

Harry shook his head. "Because you're being ridiculous, now eat it."

It was actually only about the size of 2 or 3 pills, but Ron made quite a show of eating it. Ron then looked dazed for a few seconds, flushed out of embarrassment, and said quietly, "thanks."

Harry smirked friendlily. "What are friends for?"

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

The three of them were sitting around the Gryffindor lunch tables munching on PB&Js talking about Ginny's breakup with Michael.

"Ginny told me they had a row about Michael babying her. He would do things like help her through the portrait hole when she could do it on her own, and generally baby her and treat her like she was a child. She got so fed up with it that she broke up with him, and Michael said that he did it because he _cares,_ and he just wanted to help her. Ginny didn't care, and said motives pure or not she didn't like it. I'm not obliged to tell anymore." Hermione looked down from her speech and read her transfiguration book.

Ron looked shifty, and Harry knew why. "Ron, if anything, take this as proof that no boy is going to abuse Ginny. She has a will of fire and can defend herself in any situation." Harry said this firmly and with conviction.

Ron looked up. He sighed. "I know, but it's so hard not to, because I've got an instinct to. I just can't _not_ defend her."

Harry was about to say he cared too, but he realized he _didn't_ care. His mind gave a little prick again and finally he gave it up.

"I know this might sound off topic," Harry began, "But I think some of my emotions are still locked away. Every time I'm told something that should make me feel extremely happy or extremely sad, the feeling just isn't there."

Hermione was scrutinizing him closely, while Ron looked positively alarmed.

"Voldemort isn't possessing you again, is he?" Ron said anxiously. "I mean, he can't be, but-"

"Oh hush Ron, it isn't Voldemort," Hermione said unconcernedly, still scrutinizing Harry. "Do you like Ginny, Harry?"

Harry was completely nonplussed, and his unhealthy occlumency poked him again, but he couldn't see why. "No? Is this a trick question?" Harry said truthfully.

"Hmm." Hermione said. "Perhaps you should go see Dumbledore, because he should know how to handle it."

"Y'know," Harry began. Dumbledore told me he'd have private lessons with me 3 weeks ago for occlumency, among other things and not _one_ lesson has happened yet." Harry said indignantly.

Ron look puzzled.

Hermione shook her head.

"Anyways, I've been doing a bit of research, and…" Hermione trailed off looking away. She got up abruptly, got Neville, Ginny, and Luna, and got them to sit with them at the table.

"As I was saying," Hermione continued, everyone else looking thoroughly puzzled. "I've been doing a bit of research, and I think I'd like us 6 to learn to be animaguses." She announced grandly.

Harry started. That would be so cool, he thought, to be able to be an animal. He could run or hop or fly or canter or soar over the Hogwarts grounds….

"I think I should take the D.A. Galleons, rebewitch them, and we could set up meetings to learn. I've asked Professor McGonagall to teach us, on the stipulation that we become legally registered. I think it should be just us because of the complexity. What do you guys think?" She asked nervously.

"I think it's brilliant." Harry said warmly. Ron's glee was written all over his face.

"That's so, so cool!" Ron said.

Hermione beamed.

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**More to come soon (hopefully!)**

**Don't forget to guess the spells!**


	9. The First Raid

Hey faithful readers! I'm sorry about the delay in chappies, just got caught up in life. I'm proud of this chapter.

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Harry was headed up to his first private lesson with Dumbledore, panicking. He had just found the note he had absentmindedly set down earlier in the week and he was almost late. He was in fact very nervous about having his occlumency shields tested, as his mindset seemed a fragile thing right now, even thought he knew Dumbledore meant no harm. He calmed himself down as he strode to Dumbledore's office.

"Sugar Quill!" Harry commanded of the statue, and it sprang forward to allow him entrance.

Dumbledore looked up, and smiled genially. "Harry, how have you been doing?"

'Dumbledore had to pick the loaded question,' he thought. He wanted to not tell him, but look where that had gotten him. He was going to find out anyway, as they were practicing occlumency. "A little better." He said. "I think," Harry began. "I think that some of that, um, _bad_ occlumency is still there because I still feel, um, _dulled_, I guess. I don't really understand it."

Dumbledore sighed heavily. "That _is_ why were are here, after all Harry. Why don't we get started?"

Harry sat down and nodded his head.

Dumbledore raised his wand. "Legilimens!"

………….

Dumbledore was greeted by pitted stone, and he mentally sighed as he 'looked' around. Harry was right, he was still suppressing some part of his emotions, in the pit of the stone. He needed to get this smoothed out, or he was going to have some problems. Dumbledore saw nothing else wrong, and withdrew.

Harry looked at him expectantly.

"Harry. Your stone is pitted. This is allowing you to unhealthily hide away your emotions. You don't hide from them, but you control your reaction to them."

Harry looked down. "But sir," He began. "It's just that, well, every time I don't hide at least a little bit, I feel so _bare._" He said desperately.

"That is to be expected, after hiding your emotions for so long. You will grow used to it, I promise Harry." He smiled encouragingly.

"Let's take the shields down." Dumbledore spoke slower, and Harry closed his eyes. "Imagine stone like the one you have now, but empty all the cracks and holes and flatten the stone out, so it is smooth everywhere."

Harry removed the first pit, and he squirmed as each bit of uncontrolled emotion flowed out of his barrier. By the time he was done, he felt like he could blow up at the slightest provocation, glow at the slightest bit of praise.

"Are you done, Harry?" Dumbledore asked, and Harry nodded slowly. "Legilimens!" Dumbledore said.

Dumbledore saw the smooth stone, but since Harry was not a master occlumens and Dumbledore was a master legilimens, he could tell a bit of Harry's turmoil. He decided that was for another time, and withdrew.

"Good job, Harry." Dumbledore said and true to his prediction, Harry smiled. "Like Professor Snape had said, you will need to practice each night before you go to bed." Harry nodded.

"Now for the second part of the lesson, which I did not want to call a lesson. You remember Horcruxes, right?"

"Yeah, Voldemort kills someone and when part of his sould breaks off because he killed he locks it away to protect it." Harry reiterated.

Dumbledore looked sadly at Harry. "I am hunting them, and have decided to keep you updated to what I am doing as I go. He has a tendency to use famous objects as his." Harry nodded his understanding. "So far I have identified an old locket of slytherins, an old cup of hufflepuffs, and the diary you stabbed through." Harry looked confused.

"But Sir, the diary wasn't particularly important." Harry protested.

"Harry, he could have only possessed someone like he did Ginny with his soul, and it was important to him because it was his way of opening the chamber of secrets once again." Harry nodded.

"It also might be a certain old family ring, too. I have confirmed his snake, Nagini he calls it, is a horcrux but we can't very well kill it under except extremely advantageous circumstances."

Harry nodded. "Why are you only updating me on this? Why can't I help?"

Dumbledore looked at Harry. "Because I'm trying to preserve your innocence while keeping you updated, because I care about you."

Harry felt something rise up in his chest, and he looked at the ground.

Dumbledore dismissed Harry, and he walked off to his dormitory.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

_He surveyed his perfectly executed opening raid with malice. Pandemonium and death rained down upon unsuspecting muggles and wizards alike. He saw as one of his faithful happily struck down one of the worthless muggles. He heard the screams of pain, and he reveled in them. This is what power is. He descended into the fight, and a wizard saw him. _

_"You-youre- youre __**He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named!**__" He gasped in fear. _

_Voldemort cackled. "This is right, mudblood. Or, are you not a mudblood?" Voldemort asked maliciously. _

_"No! I'm pureblood, I'm pureblood!" He screamed in fear. _

_Voldemort looked at him sadly. "No, I see the ugly truth staring right at me from within your weak mind. You're a mudblood, almost a squib I see. People don't need others like you in the world. Crucio!" _

Harry Potter screamed as he shared this man's pain.

_After thirty seconds or so, Voldemort stopped and the man stared at him eyes wide like a deer. _

Harry felt dimly that someone was shaking him.

_Voldemort pointed his wand directly into the man's eyes, now aware Harry was screaming in a bed miles away. _

_"Harry Potter. This is what is coming to you, and the rest of the world. I will know that prophecy." _

_"Avada Kedavra." _

Harry awoke after Ron had nearly shoved him out of the bed. He stopped screaming.

"Harry." Ron said worriedly. Harry was aware of Seamus and Dean and Neville staring at them. "Are you okay? Maybe we should see Dumbledore." Ron said, worried by Harry's quiet.

"No, no, I'm-" Harry mumbled, as Ron hoisted him around his shoulders. "We're going to see Dumbledore."

Harry felt himself be carried, and he thought about what Voldemort did. All those innocent people, being slaughtered mercilessly over how 'pure' their blood is. He knew it wasn't even about blood anymore for Voldemort, but about power.

Ron stopped outside the staircase for Dumbledore's office and asked the password.

"Sugar Quill." Harry said weakly, and they rose into Dumbledore's office. Harry had a thought, about how Dumbledore was always in his office when someone needed him as they were called in.

"Harry? Ron?" Dumbledore said questioningly. "What brings you here at, oh my, midnight."

Ron spoke, as Harry didn't want to. "Harry had a dream, he was screaming for a solid minute and nobody could wake him until I threw him off the bed. He said he didn't need to talk to you, but, I made him come, anyway." Ron mumbled the last part.

"Thank you, Ronald." Dumbledore said. "Your friend is right, you do need to talk about it."

Harry looked away. "Voldemort launched his first raid tonight. I don't know where. I watched them all die, so many of them. He tortured a squib mercilessly, reveled in watching his Death Eaters strike down people." Harry started leaking tears. "God, it was horrible. He said it was coming to me, and the whole world. He thinks I know the prophecy, thought I don't know how." Harry chocked. "So many died." Harry began to cry in earnest.

Ron looked completely lost. "Ron, why don't you walk Harry back to the common room. It is midnight, and you both might be able to salvage some sleep."

Ron nodded, and Harry continued to quietly weep as they left Dumbledore's office.

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**New Chapters are to come!**


	10. Animagus Lessons

**Oh how I love you, all my faithful readers who wait on my ridiculously long updates. But, who cares! :) (I know you do, so don't worry.)**

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Harry sat in his bed after the vision. He felt terrible, because he showed how weak he was to Ron. How on earth did they possibly think he could defeat Voldemort if he cried during every one of his raids? He decided to put silencing charms up on his bed every night and just sit it out.

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The next morning, the headlines were dreadful for Harry and everyone else. Hermione was about to show him, but all he saw was _**Death Eaters Attack! Raid- **_when Ron leaned over and told Hermione about what happened last night and she told everyone to shut up.

Harry was glad when his friends started talking about menial things as "Neville likes Luna?" and "I heard she likes him back!" Harry could have sworn Ginny threw a curious look at him and his chest constricted in an odd way. They both smiled and the rest of Harry's day was good.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Harry sat in his first animagus 'lesson' with Professor McGonagall sitting in a corner grading papers (she had agreed she would pretend any language rules broken in her presence (or any other light rules) wouldn't be dealt with because she just had too much work) and everyone else sitting in a circle. Ron and Hermione were sitting next to each other, well aware that each one liked the other and just too timid to do something about it.

'Not for long,' Harry mused. He also knew that Neville was hyper-aware of Luna, but she looked her normal self. He and Ginny were looking at each other a little too often themselves and he had a thought, 'Wouldn't it be ironic if we all ended up together married?' Harry smiled when Hermione stood up and spoke.

"Welcome to the first... ah... um... _installment_ of the animagus lessons. We are going to find out what animal we are in these first lessons because-" She shuffled through papers. She held one up. "This animagus transformation guide I researched and made says so." Nobody bothered to argue because it would have been fruitless going against Hermione.

"We have two options, we could meditate on it, which is far better for the spirit and mind, or we could use a spell that forces it into the forefront of our head and for us to transform for a minute, but be in our animal instincts. It's not like there are any negative effects with this one, but the other one has benefits."

Luna was already meditating, so there was no need to find out what she wanted to do. Ginny went over and stopped Luna from continuing for Hermione. The three guys, however, were not moving, nervous as they looked. Hermione herself would go meditate with Ginny and Luna after she performed the spell.

Hermione sighed. "All right, give yourselves each a little space because we could never know what you're going to transform into. I think we'll need a lot of space, just in case."

At that moment, the room grew expansively and a 'cage' appeared over most of it.

Hermione gasped. "I hadn't thought of that, what if one of our animals is inherently vicious or something. Not that I think of any of you as vicious!" Hermione added quickly.

Ron got in the cage of his own volition first. Hermione pointed his wand at him and said "_Pincers Transtali_!"

Ron's body started _flowing_ downward. Ron's face scrunched up and his hands hit the ground as his clothes and body were growing golden fur. His legs contorted as his whole body grew bigger, as he was still growing the fur. A couple of seconds later he was recognizable as a great, golden lion.

The lion that was Ron roared. The land inside the cage became a great savannah with an illusionary gazelle in the background. Ron, with astounding speed even for a lion, hunted and took down the gazelle. As this was happening, Hermione commented "It's the love of food." And Harry and Neville nodded absentmindedly.

After Ron transformed and the dead gazelle and savannah was gone, Ron said "That was amazing! Well, dead gazelle is gross, but 1) it was an illusion and 2) It looked yummy as a lion."

Harry snickered and Neville said "Yummy?" Ron blushed. "I _like _the word yummy!"

It wasn't much in his defense though. Neville and Harry promptly entered a staring contest and since Neville lost, it was his turn to transform.

Seconds later, Neville appeared to be standing still, but his whole body and clothes were sprouting black fur and he seemed to get slightly wider and taller. His hands and feet grew rounder and had pads. The cage transformed into a deciduous forest and it came became clear he was a black bear. He went over to a berry bush, tasted the berries, decided they were gross, and went to fish for salmon. He proved okay at it, but he caught large salmon when he caught them. He then played with the salmon and ate it.

As Neville transformed back he said "That didn't hurt at all! It just felt kind of uncomfortable. I don't feel any fuller."

Hermione gave a great sigh. "Weren't you paying attention last week Neville? Gamp's laws of elemental transfiguration!"

Neville, Harry and Ron shook their heads. Harry was standing in the center of the cage. "_Pincers Transtali_!" Hermione said.

Harry's world erupted into a kind of stretched, uncomfortable reality. He felt himself growing, but he didn't know how. He knew he was getting feathers, for one. He just kept growing. At what he knew was the end, it started to hurt as his magic was doing something. He opened his eyes.

He saw everything in a green hue. He was in the middle of the mountains and he felt rather lonely. He looked up in the blue sky and saw air, deciding to jump and become airborne. He felt the current of air under his wings and the innate magic supporting him as he flew. Gazing down at the mountains again, he spotted a goat. He dived at it and missed but he took an elegant swoop and tried again. He proved successful this time and carried it to a nearby cave. When he landed, he transformed again, just the same as before but with his magic staying the same, merely shifting to be smaller.

When he was human again, he felt more powerful in some indistinct way.

"I'm a griffin!" Harry exclaimed.

Hermione was amazed. "Harry, for one you transformed into a magical animal and while not unheard of it's pretty rare. Two, you transformed into a _Venegrade Griffin,_ an extremely rare griffin that lives in groups, unlike other griffins and they will do anything to protect their family while symbolizing strength of character." Hermione was glowing with the conquest of new information. "I am so going to read your essay!" Hermione said.

The three guys sat and just talked about random stuff like quidditch and chess while the girls meditated. "Harry, your first practice is tomorrow night, all ready to be a seeker?" Harry was overjoyed at flying, both in quidditch and as the griffin.

He had to say, he liked flying as a griffin more, but that didn't stop him from enjoying quidditch. Ron was mindlessly explaining strategy of the team to Harry while simultaneously playing chess with a hand that had materialized from the wall. Neville was watching the game as he was scheduled to play against Ron in an inter-house chess tournament that night.

Ron was saying, "The championship looks like it's going to be against Slytherin this year. Last time we played them was..." and Ron trailed off as he looked up.

Ron lost the chess game to the hand in the wall. Harry and Neville stood still, as they prayed, because it was almost certain Armageddon was near. All Ron did was stop talking, get his game face on and play that darned hand again.

A couple seconds later there was a scream. Well, not really a scream as an extremely loud squeal come from Ginny.

"They're still at it. Oops." She said, and came over to the boys. She seated herself next to Harry nervously, but Harry was too wrapped up in being nervous himself. Neville and Ron didn't notice anything though, because the two of them were good being oblivious to everyone.

Ginny started whispering loudly. "I am the prettiest albino tiger! But the weird thing was even though it was albino it's eyes weren't red, they were Blue, and they looked cloudy. The other thing is it's skin wasn't striped, and neither was the fur! I heard tigers had striped skin and striped fur. Oh I think tigers are so beautiful..." Ginny kept on talking about tigers. Harry was listening but not to Ginny's words, but to her voice. To him it flowed like water. He decided at that moment he was asking her to Hogsmeade for Valentine's day. But there was no way they were going to Madam Puddifoots, he thought wryly as Ginny asked "What were you Harry?" She looked odd for a second and than said "Not that I don't want to know what Neville and Ron were, but I want to hear their description." Something finally hit Harry and he thought 'Ginny's acting oddly.' Ginny had in fact noticed Harry liked her after hours of gossip and she was back to acting slightly nervous.

"Oh, um... I was a, Hermione called it, _Venegrade Griffin. _It's apparently a small griffin that lives in groups, is pack oriented, and.. ah.. reckless." He finished off smally. Harry, of course, played down the strength of character and nobility.

"It sounds _beautiful_." Ginny said. Harry didn't know how to take that when Ron broke their bubble.

"I was a lion! Hermione said I was really big and I hunted a gazelle and I did it really well and Hermione says it was because I was a pig but I just wrinkled my nose at her." He said this all really quickly and got right back to his chess game, where he lost but not as badly.

"Oh, Um.." Neville spoke up. "I was a black bear. Hermione said I ate berries and caught salmon." Ginny smiled.

"Oh Neville, that's probably cute."

Harry spoke up, teasing Neville. "You were all cute, Neville! You were all nervous about eating berries!" He lightly whacked Neville, who cast him a humorous, furtive glance. At that moment, Ron won against the chess-playing hand-in-the-wall, and they babbled on about their animals until Hermione and Luna came to join them.

"I was a beaver!" Hermionie said somewhat dejectedly. "Oh, I know, beavers symbolise hard-working determination, and while I admire the character traits, it's just not something you'd think of as particularly _noble._" Hermionie sighed.

Ron spoke up, "But a beaver would be a lot more useful than a lion in most situations, because we're not going to be battling in our animagus forms, except for old Harry." Ron smiled at Harry, who had the grace to shut up and not tease Ron.

Hermione brightened up, as Luna said "I was a raven, all black and sleek." She said with her usual etheral voice. "They're known for noticing everything, and for being clever." She said this with no trace of pride.

"What we gonna do next?" Ron asked excitedly.

Hermione had a feral grin, for Ron's benefit. "Research." She said.

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**I love you all readers! So you know, the next chapter will not be strictly required as it is the spirituality behind all of the forms (That I concocted, somewhat.) I suspect you will read it anyways, because you're reading fanfic this of your own volition to begin with. **

**Review!!! Please. **


	11. Days to Light the Dark

**I'm actually not putting in the essays right now, but they will get there. Possibly. **

**I apologize for two things. 1) the long wait for the chapters. 2) Saying mad-eye moody was D.A.D.A and Slughorn was potions. Snape is potions and Moody is staying on D.A.D.A. To give Voldy another reason not to attack Hoggy old Hogwarts. Enjoy Quidditch! **

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Harry was sitting at the tables, munching on toast. He was being stared at both angrily and happily. And the reason for this was everyone's favorite sport. Quidditch. Something that actually gave them a reason to stare at Harry, he appreciated it. They were angry because Colin was kicked off as reserve Chaser to reserve Seeker (something which he didn't mind but everyone else did) and Ginny moved to chaser moving some 3rd year back to reserve, and Harry as the new seeker. They were short a reserve seeker, so no one was kicked off the team, but people thought this was awfully arrogant of Harry. Nobody directly affected minded, but the general public was indignant and unaware on their behalf. The odd thing was, Harry thought, that if not for Ron, he still wouldn't have been on the team, but he didn't want to disturb anyone. Ron and Professor McGonagall all plotted behind his back.

Not that he was complaining. Too much.

However, he was nervous again: the half-season off had worked his nerves up. What if he lost the snitch? That would be a bad omen indeed. He figured he'd scrape through, though.

No need getting _too_ worked up.

Ron's presence next to him had no effect; he was chatting to the rest of the Chasers about strategy. Ginny, Katie and Demelza were all listening intently. The beaters, two blokes named Andrew Kirke and Jack Sloper, whom he was on speaking terms with, were listening and forming their strategy around the chasers. Since seekers were relatively unaffected, Harry had nothing to do but think.

Which worked his nerves up even more than earlier.

Hermione was talking to him about homework and, thankfully, that served to divert the nervousness of something he could do nothing about and got him eating. He needed his energy to stay up late and do homework, not to play Quidditch. And typically, he didn't believe his own lies.

Game time snuck up on them and all too soon they were playing the Ravenclaws, striving for first place in the running of the Quidditch cup. As they were sitting in the locker room, Ron too was channeling Oliver Wood's spirit.

"All right men," Ron started out. Ginny took on a look of anger and Ron hurriedly said "and women." He looked scared and Katie threw her hair back, laughing.

"You'd be right to be scared," she said in a carrying whisper while Ron was trying to get back on track, making everyone laugh, even Ron.

"All right, all right. We only have to win by 30 points to be in first place running for the Quidditch cup, but that doesn't mean we have to try any less. We have to be ready for anything." Ron unintentionally looked over at Harry, and he thought dejectedly _Like in case I don't get the snitch_.

"Sloper, Kirke, remember..." Ron continued talking, and Ginny leaned over, picking up on Harry's feelings.

"You'll do fine," she whispered soothingly. It acted as a balm to Harry's nerves. They looked into each other's eyes, smiling, and two seconds later, reality snapped them to focus.

"Ginny! Pay attention!" Ron snapped, looking at Harry. He looked away from his friend's glare. _Damn, I hadn't considered Ron_, Harry thought.

"But the point is," Harry came back to the world. "Is that we play this **game!**" Ron declared and everyone in the locker room cheered. They emerged from the locker room just as the Ravenclaws exited their own. Players from opposing teams shook hands, sizing one another up. Ravenclaw's captain was being friendly, but Ron had a generously firm grip and a game face on. Harry looked apologetic from behind, and their captain Dan Bradley, who knew them personally, gave them a that's-just-Ron-it's-okay look.

Madam Hooch blew the whistle and they rose into the air. As Harry left the ground, he left all his feelings behind like mist floating off. All that existed was objects to avoid hitting, the invisible snitch, and him happy once again.

As he circled unceremoniously around the top of the pitch, Luna's voice carried over the stadium. "And that's 40-30, Ravenclaw. Weasley with the Quaffle, narrowly avoids Chambers -ooh, intercepted from the other side by Weatherby..."

Harry had to snicker. Weatherby was an actual name? Ah well, probably wasn't that bad a name if you didn't know Percy. Harry saw a glint, but after zooming down by the Ravenclaw goalposts discovered it was a wristwatch. He had garnered Cho Chang's attention though, and she was tailing him. He zoomed up to the top of the pitch and circled again, and she was circling on the opposite side.

"Hey Cho.." Harry called out questioningly, as she was not 15 feet away.

"Hey!" She said brightly, not looking up.

"Mind not tailing me?" He asked plaintively, still looking for the snitch.

"Nah," She replied, not looking up. She grinned briefly, however.

They had been circling for 10 or so minutes, conversation long forgotten, when he heard Luna.

"Ooh, look at the Seekers, someone seems to be tailing someone. It looks like Chang is tailing Potter, but they're so equal we can't be sure. Oooh, look at them!" She exclaimed ethereally for Harry had zoomed at the ground in an almost straight dive for the snitch. Cho was soon to follow.

She was only a foot or two behind him and she was catching up quickly. But he edged his broom faster. He was fairly confident they were both going to pile-drive into the dirt, but he'd be holding the snitch when that happened.

The snitch darted off at the last second and Harry pulled up enough to somersault and roll along the ground unharmed, broom lying a few feet away. Cho had pulled up a second earlier and flew quickly to Harry.

"You okay?" she asked, still looking for where the snitch had gone.

"Go find the Snitch, Chang," Madam Hooch told her harshly and off Cho flew. As Harry got up, she asked him briskly, "You alright, Potter?"

Ron was flying over, so Harry replied loudly, "No, I'm fine." Ron got the point and flew away. As Harry mounted his broom he heard Luna.

"Ooh, Harry!" she exclaimed airily. "Chang pulled up before she hit the ground, but Potter barely pulled up enough to tumble along. It looks like he's fine though. They're back in the game, and ooh! Chamber's scored 3 times in the confusion. Don't get distracted, Gryffindor!" she said jokingly. "Score 100-60, Ravenclaw."

_Crap_, Harry thought. _I need that bloody Snitch!_

"Crap!" Ron exclaimed as Harry flew over. "We need that bloody snitch."

Harry looked at him oddly. "Just what I was thinking." Harry looked over and saw the snitch floating by the Ravenclaw keeper, just above Grant Page's shoulder. Cho was close by but hadn't noticed.

"Call a time out!" Harry whispered urgently.

"Why?" Ron asked.

"Do it!" Harry commanded.

Ron obliged and once they were all on the ground Harry was questioned. He said to the whole team quietly "The snitch was by Page and Cho, but she hadn't noticed and since it was across the pitch I needed a distraction _then_ and _there._"

They were okay with this and Harry looked for the snitch. Cho had noticed where the snitch was and cursed herself. By that time, they had seen the snitch move to high above them in the middle on the Quidditch pitch. They looked at it, at each other, and mounted their brooms. Ron took that as a queue to get moving. When the whistle blew, the seekers were off like a rocket. And Luna noticed.

"Ooh, look at our seekers! Off like a rocket, towards the snitch already. Are they going to collide?"

It seemed as if they were. Cho and Harry were neck-and-neck all the way up. Arms outstretched, Harry was a touch taller than Cho so he grabbed on by a hair to the twitching snitch. Cho was a second behind on the uptake and rammed Harry to get the snitch.

Harry fell off his broom, which was a good 100 feet above the ground. As he fell, he thought _I knew I'd mess this up_. He twisted over in the air and saw the sandy ground approaching fast. And he saw the Ron, Ginny, Katie, Jack, Andrew, and Demelza all beneath him, Ron and Ginny directly under him.

As he was a second from impact, he thought _damn nice people down there. Why'd I ever get it in my head to push them away'_

And he briefly felt a few heads and multiple hands under him as everything went black.

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He awoke on the sandy ground with quite a few people around him.

He opened his eyes a slit, only enough to see people. Like Madam Hooch, Madam Pomfrey, Ron, Ginny, Hermione, and Neville.

He closed his eyes immediately against the bright sunlight.

"Ow."

"Harry!" Hermione exclaimed and, true to herself, she hugged him. Which was a tackle in this instance and hurt.

"Ow," he muttered again.

"Do you ever say anything but that?" Ron asked.

"Well, I do get in these positions a lot."

"No kidding," Madam Pomfrey said. "You have a plaque for it!"

"Snitch?" Madam Hooch asked, nothing but business.

"Oh, yeah." Harry unclenched his hand, found a wing-crushed snitch, and gave it to Madam Hooch, who scurried off to announce the results.

"210-110, Gryffindor wins!" He heard Madam Hooch announce, as Madam Pomfrey performed basic tests on him.

Madam Pomfrey was dissatisfied with his sense of trouble, and remarked, "Everything's fine. But every time Gryffindor plays and you're on the team, I drag myself out here. And you always give me a reason to..." she mumbled to herself as she walked away, causing Harry to grin.

"So, what happened?" Harry asked Ron.

"Well," Ginny said and Ron and Harry looked over at her. "We 'caught' you, meaning you sent us 10 feet into the ground. Me and Ron blacked out for a few seconds, and you made Jack and Demelza sore. Andrew and Katie just watched us fall."

Katie grinned over cheekily as she walked away.

"You were unconscious for…four minutes? Something like that. You're always unconscious, aren't you?" She looked unhappy at the truth behind that rhetorical question.

Ron, Hermione, and Ginny, looking opposite of him grinned. Ron picked him up.

"What the-" Harry exclaimed, but he was soon turned around and thrown into a Gryffindor and Hufflepuff crowd, who now were in second place running.

Harry just rolled his eyes, and high-fived the team as he was carried to the Hogwarts gates.

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Well into the celebration party, everyone was calming down and sitting around with butterbeers. Hermione was sitting almost on Ron's lap, arm around him and his around her, chatting with everyone else. Harry and Ginny were sitting at a right angle to each other, casting the other uncertain glances as Neville had just said he was off to comfort Luna. They suspected the two would be dating by tomorrow.

Harry, extremely exhausted, remarked, "That was fun."

"Yeah," Ron said, also tired. Younger students had already meandered up to bed and it was just the 5th years and up still down there partying.

"Potter," Katie said jokingly. "Why do you make a suicide attempt every Quidditch game?" she asked with an odd smile. She had had the most butterbeer out of anyone, and a lot of even that stuff will make you a touch loopy.

"It's the clinical depression," he said, smirking over at Hermione.

"Why, Harry, that's not- never mind, what's the point?" she said, smiling. "You know that's not something to joke about, but when are teenage boys sensible like that?" The girls shared a look.

"Y'know," Ron started, "I feel indignant at that. I mean, we know that you girls think we're stupid for perfectly reasonable stuff, but you dare mention it around us?" The girls giggled at him and his asininity.

Harry and Ron looked at each other. As well as Dean and Seamus. They were feeling pretty unappreciated.

Katie yawned. "I'm in for the night." And she swerved up the stairs. Andrew and Jack, now with a reason to go upstairs, for they were _exhausted,_ went up without another word. Dean and Seamus, seeing the 'coupling' going on, left as well, to go talk with other people at the other end of the common room.

The four of them were now the only people within hearing range of each other. After a bit of absent-minded chatter, Hermione and Ron fell asleep simultaneously on each other.

Ginny and Harry took this opportunity to prank them. They made it so they woke up with little hearts all plastered on them saying 'R+H' and they couldn't get them off unless they made out publicly. Which is something they did _not _do.

They were pink and red, and were slightly poking out of their skin. They felt like plastic, and adhered to their skin and whatever clothes they were wearing. They were tester WWW products that Fred and George asked them to try out.

Harry and Ginny laughed nearly silently, wiping tears from their eyes. "This is priceless," Harry said. "I am _so_ glad Fred and George gave me these."

"Me too," Ginny managed between gasps of laughter. They collapsed on the couch next to each other. After calming to the point of legible speech, they talked.

Into the conversation, they got to talking about Valentine's Day. They admired the decorations and laughed accordingly at Lockhart.

"I wonder if he's regained any semblance of normality," Ginny said.

"He wasn't normal to begin with!" Harry replied, snickering.

"Now, don't go laughing at his mental state," Ginny joked condescendingly.

"Back to the 'girls are better' thing!" he complained.

"Now I happen to think guys are just as wonderful as girls in their own way," She commented, indignant and smiling.

Harry chose that moment. Valentine's Day was in 2 weeks, anyways. He wanted not to jump into it so quickly. He intertwined his fingers and cast his eyes to the side.

"Ginny? Um, would you like to, ah... go toValentine'sDayHogsmeadeTrip withme?"

Ginny looked puzzled. "What?"

"Would you like to go to Hogsmeade with me? I know it sounds ridiculous, we're just friends but-"

"I'd love to!" Ginny interrupted. Harry lit up lit up like a light bulb, and leaned into the couch and effectively her body. They looked into the other's eyes, emerald boring into chocolate, and saw it coming.

Their heads inched closer until Harry could feel Ginny's shallow breath on his lips. Her eyes were already closing in anticipation and she waited anxiously for Harry to meet her moistened lips. They parted as he dropped his head and oh-so-gently pressed his mouth to hers. Sparks danced behind their heavy lids and they both knew nothing was ever going to be the same afterwards.

They broke apart, Harry meeting Ginny's eyes bashfully. They murmured to each other and shared sweeter, much longer kisses over the next hour. They reluctantly kissed good night, lips lingering and never wishing to be pried apart, and went happily up their respective staircases, their worlds brighter than ever.

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**Thank you Blackened-Downpour, for dealing with my fluff-innefectiveness. :)**

**There's a green looking button down there... you want to press it.. you know it... :O**


	12. The Malfoy Git

**I really have nothing to say about this chapter. Just a chapter. **

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Harry was sitting in Potions class next to Neville, his now regular partner. Snape was in a sour mood, because just a period ago a third year had messed up a potion so badly it eroded away a centimeter or two of the stone floor in puddle-shaped gouges. Snape didn't think that was possible, and Harry was suffering for it.

Neville asked Harry for help, and Harry leaned over when "Potter! Do your own work. Don't cheat and mess up Longbottom's too. Lord knows he doesn't need _your_ help." rang out over the classroom.

Harry looked apologetically and scribbled at the margin of the notes 'crush it with your knife, neat trick.'

Neville thumbs-uped under the desk and managed an A in the class that day. No offense to Neville, but he wondered how he had got an O on the exams.

Harry looked at the next line of directions, headed 'CAUTION: IF DONE WRONG, POTION BECOMES HIGHLY POISIONOUS TO TOUCH.' 'Lovely.' Thought Harry. 'Just dandy.'

'Cut up 3 quarter-centimeter slices of venemous tentacula seed.' Simple enough, even though Venemous tentacula seed was tough and hard to cut. As he was cutting the seeds and watching the wriggling inside, he wondered how Snape had obtained enough of the untradeable item for class. No doubt he had a permit, being a decreed potions master and all, he thought bitterly.

The next part of the line involved cutting a squirming, shiny silver worm and squeezing a very specific amount of juice and skin into the potion. It was very finicky and tricky and ridiculous. Harry wasn't even sure this was 6th year N.E.W.T. anymore.

Just as he got the last of the worm into the potion and it turned the correct green hue, Malfoy got up and walked past him. Too late, he saw one of the worms fall out of his sleeve and into the potion. It immediately turned purple and bubbled up all over the desk, corroding right through the desk into a puddle in the stone floor about a half millimeter deep. Unfortunately, this was still enough to turn Snape's ire upon him.

"Potter!" Snape boomed. "I have had it with your insolence! Thirty points from Gryffindor, and 2 weeks of detention! It will take me an hour to clean that up. Not to mention your blatant cheating!" Snape had come to loom over Harry, and from Uncle Vernon he knew it'd be better just to wait and see what comes. He sneered magnificiently, and completely ignored Malfoy and Co. openly laughing and yelling about their success the whole time.

Harry glared at Malfoy like it would be the end of his days, even though Harry was too good a person to exact that particular revenge he so desired.

* * *

Harry was walking to Charms with Ron and Hermione while he fumed.

"I don't care if Voldemort killed his secret wife last night or something, that was _ridiculous!_" Harry exclaimed. "Who'd want to marry a guy with morals like that anyways? He _knew,_ it was so _obvious_ that Malfoy did it!" Harry nearly shouted.

"Harry, please remember that the intensity dial on your emotions is still a bit up." Hermione said condescendingly. "Please try to control yourself just a little bit." She frowned, and Harry just looked a touch angrily at her.

Ginny walked up at that minute, and Harry brightened, angry though he was still. It was a week since he asked her to go to Valentine's day, and though they hadn't kissed again, they held hands at many opportunities. Ron held Hermionie's hand, and they walked down the length of the castle.

Harry told Ginny what had happened with Malfoy, and while he was going to hex Malfoy the next time he saw him, he'd bring out his anger then.

Harry bade Ginny, Ron and Hermione good-bye as they walked into Charms.

* * *

And Harry walked out of Charms with as much homework as Ron. While he sat in the common room, lamenting the homework (and failing to focus on doing it), he thought 'things are back to normal. Yes, I don't really procrastinate anymore, yes I have major emotional issues, but the second problem will go away, and Ron and me are getting equal Charms homework. Things are going back to normal.' and Harry smiled.

Hedwig chose that moment to zoom in through the window and drop a note on Harry, from Professor Dumbledore.

"Thanks, Hedwig." Harry said softly, as he sat and stoked Hedwig. As he opened the note, she hooted softly and flew away. But not before she nipped his finger, saying he owed her for ignoring her in the months before. Harry chuckled, and opened the note.

_Harry, _

_ I have much to speak of with you, so come to my office at 8:00 tonight and please, have a sugar quill with me._

_Professor Dumbledore_

Harry wondered why Dumbledore's notes were so impersonable, while Dumbledore was a personable man. Secrecy didn't mean he had to be cold! Oh well. Just another peculiarity of the grandfatherly man.

He looked up at the time. 7:15, it read. 'Oh, good.' Harry thought, somewhat sarcastically. 'Just enough time to finish another essay!' And while he was happy he could get homework done, that didn't mean he liked doing it.

Fortunately, or unfortunately, a distraction came in the form of Ginny. "Hey!" she said as she bounded down the stairs.

"Hey." He sighed.

"What's up?" She asked, concerned.

"Homework." Was his one-word answer, nose still over parchment.

"Don't you have time to do it sometime else? Like when I'm not all done with homework and in a class?" She asked sweetly.

Now, to anyone else, she would have just came off as annoying. But Harry really hadn't spent time with Ginny that day, and they weren't going to the February dance together for nothing.

"Alright." He said smiling, as he rolled up the parchment. "But I have to go around 8 for a meeting with Dumbledore." He said.

"Oh, all right. I'll return you by then." She said, pretending to be annoyed and sticking her tongue out. But it was Dumbledore, she understood. "Why does he want you so late?" She asked.

"I think because... he's been gone a lot so maybe late is the only free time he has. This is our only lesson in a week or so." Harry said, wondering.

"Ah. Why is he giving lessons to you anyways? I mean, we know Voldemort's after you, but does that really illicit private lessons from Dumbledore?" She asked.

Harry looked at her, then looked at a wall. She really should know the prophecy, but he never wanted to openly admit it. He felt like the less he said it the farther away the confrontation would be. And, while to a much longer extent, that was true, not in this case. And she deserved to know.

"Harry? You alright?" Ginny asked.

"Ah..yeah." Harry said. 'Was this the time?' he thought. It certainly seemed easier than it would last time. And they were heading up by the 7th floor staircase.

"Ginny? I have something, um, rather important to tell you." Harry said.

Ginny looked concerned. "What's that?"

Harry looked around. "Not here. In the room of requirement." Well, it looked like he was tumbling down that hill now.

And they headed up there in silence. Ginny kept tossing him glances, wondering what could be this important. Harry was trying to keep himself from thinking too much.

An eternity passed, and Harry found himself sitting across from Ginny in 2 2-person couches in a miniature Gryffindor common room. Who was he kidding, this was harder than last time!' He thought. She might not even go to Hogsmeade with him because of the danger. But she was too nice for that. But death threats can make anything happen.

Harry looked down at his intertwined fingers, and stole himself. "What do you know about prophecies?" Harry asked.

Ginny looked puzzled. "Nothing, why?"

"Well, when we were in the Department of Mysteries, all of the silvery glass orbs were prophecies. There was one made about Voldemort and, later determined, me." Harry sucked in a breath. "_The one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord approaches... Born to those who have thrice defied him, born as the seventh month dies... and the Dark Lord will mark him as his equal, but he will have power the Dark Lord knows not..." _Harry's voice cracked. "_And either must die at the hand of the other for neither can live while the other survives.. The one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord will be born as the seventh month dies..._"

And in the moment of silence and sorrow Ginny was having, Harry thought, 'Neither one of us _is_ living, are we? For Voldemort, I'm an obstacle to his 'life', complete domination. He's an obstacle, and always has been, to my having a family. I'm never going to get more than friends that leave with him around.' And he felt any moment, Ginny would leave him, as Ron and Hermione staying astounded him.

Ginny chose that moment to prove him wrong. Weeping, and giving him a crushing hug she said "No matter what, Harry James Potter, we will always be here for you. Don't you think for a second we'll leave because of the danger of being around you, because it's the same as it always has been, we just know the truth now."

And Harry felt another weight lifted off his shoulders as they hugged, and kissed a few times, all the way to 7:55.

At which point, Harry looked up at a clock, a "OhMyGodI'veGottaGo" flew out of his mouth and he sprinted to Dumbledore's office.

* * *

Harry stood panting before the stone gargoyle. "Sugar Quill!" he gasped out, and the gargoyle carried him up.

"Come in." Dumbledore called out. As Harry walked in, he noticed his arm was still blackened. Harry supposed it would remain that way for the rest of his life.

"How are you?" Dumbledore asked, looking like he really cared about the answer.

"Fine." Was his automatic reply.

"Harry," Dumbledore began, slightly pleadingly.

"Alright!" Harry exclaimed. "I just told Ginny about the prophecy. I was so certain that she, and Ron and Hermione, would stop being my friend, because they didn't want to die! And I don't want them to die! But they keep hanging around me, and I worry constantly something's going to happen to them!" Harry said rather loudly. "This dang prophecy is ruling my life, and always has been! I can never find a moment away from it!" Harry said, already calming down. "I hope I get to kill Voldemort soon, because I want to live a normal life."

"Do you really want to kill Voldemort?" Dumbledore asked. "And nothing will happen to your friends, they are safe in Hogwarts or at the Burrow."

"I don't want to kill anyone!" Harry had already started. "But I have to, so I might as well 'get it over with,' or something similar. And you always say they're safe, but it's am arms race! They'll figure out a way in eventually." Harry looked saddened.

Dumbledore looked deeply troubled. "I do suppose, you are right. But, that does not mean we should give up hope. For I have seen horrific times, and I know you shall see worse. But, hope holds it's hand out in the dark, for friendship and family to push it's way through." Dumbledore smiled wisely at his own words, and at Harry's confused, lips-slightly-parted look.

"Now, shall we be getting on with our Occlumency?" Dumbledore said, smiling.

Harry came to himself. "Yeah, that'd be good, seeing as you've given me a lot to think about." Harry smiled briefly.

They started out their lessons as they always did, giving Harry's smooth stainless steel shield a test run. When his barriers held up fine, Dumbledore withdrew, and spoke.

"Until now, I have been letting you use basic shields and testing you lightly. Today, we will move onto a more advanced form. There are 4 levels of mastering Legilimency and you have mastered the first level. I shall be using level two now. This is where you put an outer layering on useless memories to confuse any intruders, and you put some passive defenses on your steel wall, like intimidating spikes of anger and fear." Dumbledore said.

Harry was a little overwhelmed, but went along with it.

"Begin meditating as we always do, Harry. Listen to the sound of my voice, as you float deeper within yourself." And it went on like this, as Harry was well beyond the awkwardness of this by now.

Dumbledore went in Harry's mind, past the shields with him.

"Do you see your steel wall?" Harry nodded slowly. Laid out before him was the wall he had built many occlumency lessons ago.

"Open the door to it, and look on the shelves for unimportant memories." Harry pushed the large steel doors that just materialized open and looked on all the neat ebony shelves for unimportant memories. He quickly found some of getting ready for the day, mealtimes, and classes. He nodded his completion of the task.

"Take them outside your wall and lay them around." Harry took the memories and let them float around outside, taking up all the space.

"Build a wall like your other one in front of them, but out of something weaker, like wood. Make it seem like you have put time into occlumency but not enough to make defenses that will stand up to anyone with real training in legilimency." Harry chose brilliant smooth ebony wood like the memory shelves, and smoothed the surface like millions of people had ran their hands along the wood. But there were natural whorls in the wood, and little nicks in it periodically.

"Very good." The disembodied voice, Dumbledore, said. "Now, go back to the steel wall. Imagine little angry spikes of emotion portruding from the wall, not particularly threatening, but telling someone to stay away."

Steel spiky netting, like those on jails, seemed to grow over the steel wall, little tendrils snaking over the surface and growing like fractured ice. It wove around the bolts and melded itself into part of the wall.

Dumbledore withdrew from Harry's mind and Harry saw his queue and came out of his trance to look expectantly at Dumbledore.

And as Harry opened his eyes, he felt Dumbledore bash into his mind with frightening force. Not completely overwhelming, but much more so than anything he had really done before. He felt with horror as his useless memories were swept away and his little icicle spikes broke like brittle toothpicks under the force of Dumbledore's assault.

Dumbledore withdrew once again, and said "Harry, you're going to need to use unhappy emotion. Love and caring's not going to do the trick." He said, smiling benignly, and rather amusedly by Harry's judge. "This may seem dubious, but the kinds of things Voldemort prizes. I expect you to understand to not try to simulate Voldemort, not at all, but the kinds of things he mildly values."

"But... isn't love and caring the 'secret weapon' that is so all-important?" Harry asked. "If someone with malicious intent is attacking my mind, they'll be put off by love. I don't think you are, because you're... well.. good." Harry faltered. "But my point still stands. Maliciousness would work against you because you don't value such.. bad things. Right?" Harry asked.

Dumbledore looked on. "I never really did think of it that way. That just leaves you mighty vulnerable to people who care for you and think that breaking into your mind for whatever purpose is the best thing."

Harry looked straight at Dumbledore. "Anyone who thinks of doing things like that should know that the last thing you should do to anyone you care about is take away their free will like that."

Dumbledore nodded. "I'm afraid if you continue on with constructing your defenses this way, we'll never get an effectiveness test based off of this training. The only indication we'll ever get is from if Voldemort so chooses to attack you again." Dumbledore stared at a point over Harry's shoulder and his electric blue eyes grew wider. "Or.. we have one of his servants at our disposal, do we not? Professor Snape would be ade-"

"No!" Harry said, and rather loudly. "I'm sorry, Professor Dumbledore, but I can not have him in my mind again! It is my mind, and I expect to be afforded a bit of privacy when it comes to my own thoughts!" He stood straighter in the chair, brow furrowed and mouth set in a line.

Dumbledore sighed. "I suppose I cannot force you to do what you do not want to do, you being human and having inherent free will. But, I do wish you would give up your privacy in this area in order to protect it from our true enemy."

Harry sighed in tandem. "Once I have proved to be very, very proficient by your standards in these other levels, then fine, I'll let him. I'll warrant, I'm not happy about this."

Dumbledore's eyes brightened, and Harry scowled.

* * *

**Thanks for sticking with me even though I'm a ridiculous author.**


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